My Week So Far - Some things from the past several days. I went to see my nephew Sunday, and enjoyed seeing my nieces. He was just three days old, and was in that deep sleep where we had to strip him to wake him up enough to have him feed. Poor little thing, so cute asleep but you *must* wake up silly goose! My sister and brother-in-law had to run to the store for a few more outfits to fit just right -- most of the inherited clothing is still too big. So it was a short visit, but I got a few photos.

Monday was Chinese New Year's. Happy Year of the Ox, everyone. I didn't really do much at all that day, other than stay late at work and get lots of computer work done.

Tuesday, I went to "Project Dinner" at Rae & Renata's. I finished one step on one item for one entry in our team Pentathlon work, and started the next step. I *MUST* finish this piece within the next week or so. This way I can start working on all my other team entries -- especially since I'm working on things for two teams right now. And planning my personal Pentathlon master project to start right after this competition in April ends. Pentathlon is held every two years. This year I'm just doing team participation. As soon as it wraps up, I'm starting my master work on my individual entry for two years from now.

Wednesday eveing, I should have gone to Tai Chi but the three of us who do it the most all decided not to go. I managed to rebuild the newsletter instead, since it's due this weekend. It was one of the files irretrievably lost when that external USB drive failed, and I'm nearly done with the recreation.

Thursday, I should have gone to sword-fighting class but realized I'd rather take this quarter/semester off from class. Stress, traffic, running late, time, and budget -- I'm going to focus on some other things this quarter and maybe buy actual fencing equipment. I'll come back when I'm ready, and stop stressing about it. If it's not fun (and it wasn't for me the past 3 weeks), time to set it aside for a bit. I went and spent time with Adrienne instead, and touched up the last of the painting on Jeff's new "captain on the war field" coat.

Friday, today, is my regular day off. I'd originally thought of taking my car in for "why did the speedometer stop working" but was exhausted and couldn't get out of bed this morning. That's okay, my days off are for this catching up on sleep thing. I had a nice breakfast (around noon), then lots of time working on the computer. In the early evening I made it over to Jeff and Adrienne's to play with Benji while he's awake (since he's been in bed the last several times I was over). Then we had dinner at a new sushi restaurant, where I actually got Benji to eat a few bites of rice from my chopsticks. We had yogurt at the shop next door afterwards (pomegranate yogurt and dark chocolate for me), then some hanging out at the house. I made it to services at the synagogue tonight, where I saw some friends I haven't seen in weeks. That was *really* nice.

And now tomorrow is the Fiber Frolic. So for the rest of the evening I need to finish packing up Coffee Bar of Splendoor, lots of spinning and braiding tools and supplies, and clean house. We have a friend dropping in to crash in our apartment for the weekend, while he heads to some meetings. And then I think I'm hanging out quietly with friends on Sunday, while the rest of the country watches the Super Bowl.

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And now for some Philosophical Ramblings. I don't always feel like I fit neatly into some of the categories I see around me. I imagine that many people feel outside the categories, outside the boxes. But as I was driving alone at dusk the other day, a litany of "on the cusp" and "between the cracks" started to scroll by in my mind.

I Live on the Cusp

I didn't grow up with computers. Computers were added to one classroom my 6th grade year, as an experiment to "see if this helps our students." I was forced to remain in the "other" room that had no computer access, because there "had to be a control group." I was resentful.

I took typing in 10th grade. I was given a typewriter as a gift for college. I kept that typewriter until as late as 1995 or so. In college, though, I would work in the computer labs on my essays, using Unix boxes and looking up formatting commands in the "man pages" (short for "the manual") and using nroff and troff commands while typing in vi. I didn't have my own computer until late in the 90s, and bought my own laptop in 2001. I still have that laptop, a little 800 MB Celeron processor, 10 gig, Windows 2000 machine that I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it.

We didn't have a microwave until my 12th grade year. I considered myself too old for video games when I was growing up (video games were for little kids), and only found my favorite computer game last year (on Facebook). I can easily remember the beta testing of cable TV in our area, the launch of "Home Box Office" (the fore-runner of HBO), the beginning of Nickelodeon and MTV.

I have cutting-edge technology and ancient technology in a stalemate war in my life. I didn't get a DVD player until long after everyone else, only because my step-Dad bought me one for Christmas one year. I just replaced my combo TV-VCR last year when the tape finally died, and was forced to get a flat screen HDTV because that's all they sell in Target nowadays. There's a PDA on my desk, with its cute fold-out keyboard, that I bought second-hand from a coworker, and had to find the keyboard on eBay because they don't carry them anymore in stores. My cell phone finally has a camera in it, and I upload photos to my personal website. But instead of the latest, greatest sofware, I prefer to use the old Paintshop Pro 4.12 (from 1996) and Jasc Paint Shop Photo Album 4.0.4 (from 2003) for all my image editing. Yet I'm onMySpace, Facebook, LiveJournal, and Twitter. And I listen to Leo Laporte on his weekend radio shows, on podcast, every week.

I Fall between the Cracks

I always thought I'd have a spouse, a family, children, grandchildren... a genetic legacy. And yes, I was married once and helped raise two children from ages 4 & 6 to ages 10 & 12. But I don't have a marriage or children anymore. And even when I look at all the relationships over the years, it's probably accurate that no one has ever "fallen madly in love with me." Some days that seems like an inconsolable loss. Other days I just don't understand what my friends are experiencing, when their spouse is gone on a business trip and they're missing the other partner terribly.

I've been watching an unwed mother decide to keep her baby when she cannot keep a job or get into college. I've watched friends with college degrees, a beautiful home, and a loving supportive community around them struggle to adopt from overseas and be twarted at several paths. I've watched other friends, similarly just as wonderful, adopt baby after baby. I've watched new mothers in their late 30s and early 40s have their first children. I've seen marriages grow and fall apart. I feel a little like I've fallen between two couch cushions, even though I adore being part of their families. I have the distinct pleasure of being an Auntie to dozens of cute and adorable children... I suppose I'm the afghan on the back of the couch, rather than fallen between the couch cushions.

Somedays I feel buried. I'm known for my organizational skills but am buried under clutter. I love to have a clean home to have friends over, but I'm embarassed by the party photos with boxes in the background.

A friend recently wrote about herself, I've been told that I'm an overachiever. I've often thought of myself as an underachiever. If I tried hard to do something, anything, I'd achieve more. But I don't really work hard. I'm lazy. I achieve a lot while being lazy, I'll grant you that. However, it's so I can stay interested. I want to have things to do. I found much in that statement with which I definitely identify.

I'm talented in a variety of skills, but cannot pursue all of them. There's not enough time in the day or in the year, to do all the things to interest me. I'm distracted by the shiny and inspired by the marathon. I want to set lofty goals, and I still want to achieve tiny modest goals, every day.

I'm Just Like You

I suppose, when it all comes down, I'm really no different than anyone else. As I think about these things, I realize so do most of my friends -- they think about their place, their goals, their struggles, and making sense of it all. And life rarely makes sense. Just what we carve out and share with others.
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Today's Photo Portion - More scarves, photographed and loaded in my Projects & Misc albums (as well as loaded on Ravelry, for those of you on there). And a series of photos from my cell phone camera.

 

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Mary Taran, thanks for "getting it"