Long Overdue Musings - I used to be able to write almost anytime, everyday. I used to be able to read updates on friends' journals, facebook entries, etc. anytime, everyday. December brought on a MAJOR change, and January a bit too.

In December, I went through a bit of a scare in an arena I cannot really talk about much. So, by necessity I had to (a) spend more time dedicated on fixing the uncertainty and (b) unable to talk about it publically. [And clearly I'm still being vague, but trust me. This was a real scare.]

And then in January, although I'd gotten my feet under me in one fashion, it still didn't really free up much of my "old free time" for keeping up with journals or writing. And I've found a vanpool now, for work, and suddenly my schedule is even more drastically different from before. I often would stay late at work, to avoid sitting in traffic. I'd arrive home around 9 or 10 PM, stay up until 2 AM getting things done, and start all over the next morning. Now, my alarm goes off at 4 AM, I have to be in my car by 5 AM, at leaving on the vanpool at 5:30 AM. We're at the office by 6:15 AM and I'm back on the van at 4 PM in the afternoon. Several benefits: Slightly cheaper in the long run, when you consider the miles I'm *not* putting on my car; getting to nap on the drive; getting to spin yarn or crochet or do other hand-projects on the drive (usually in the afternoon because of the daylight, but I can crochet in the dark in the morning); and getting home "during daylight" which I cannot remember doing for years now.

But 4 AM morning alarm? Yup, I can no longer stay up late to accomplish things around the house or online. I try to give myself a 9 PM bedtime, but if I end up still awake as late as 10, *maybe* 11, I can still function the next morning. But again, this now *drastically* affects my day-to-day planning, and I'm at a loss for when will I ever be able to do some of those online updates I enjoyed so much?

I'm considering just a limited 20-min writing slot for my morning routine, that morning break when I'm finally starving again after breakfast back at 5 AM. Maybe just a regular short writing routine will be enough for now.

So, as my college best friend and I still tell each other on voicemail messages every several months or so: "I'm not dead yet." Still alive. Still surviving. Still trying to put my life together, as we all do.

If you really *must* get more regular updates, you should probably follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/cayswann ... I do tend to post at least something once per day.

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Today's Blessing That I'm Thankful For: Marcus, for such yummy culinary treats