While waiting for the approval to make the MRI appointment a couple weeks ago, I started an exercise program. I figured if anything were seriously wrong, I wanted to be in as good a shape as I could.

I'm doing good. I'm being more mindful of what I eat, exercise every day and hopefully twice a day (usually a long walk in the evening is my second bout of exercise), and trying (and failing) to moderate my wine intake. (Hey, right now I need all the central nervous depressants I can get my hands on!!) And I've lost a few pounds.

Hubby really doesn't want me to have surgery. He's pushing for the Gamma Knife, which is a misnomer as it's one day of radiation. If I can live with the way I am right now, then radiation is probably the logical way to go.

But my inner child is stamping her feet, wanting the damn thing out of my head NOW. I've already mentally packed a bag for when I'm out of ICU - stuff I'll want for the few days in the hospital. I'm not sure I can switch my thinking back to radiation. Not sure I want to. Am I wrong?

Seven days until I can ask the surgeon for all my options, and the best possible outcome for each option. Hubby is freaked out about the .5% death rate for the surgery - completely ignoring the 99.5% survival rate.

So. If exercise and the gamma knife can keep me the way I am currently, tumor dead but still in my head and all, still wobbly, too, isn't that the more intelligent choice?

If surgery means I may lose nerves in my face and more of my hearing, plus adding in that .5% death rate, isn't that bad, even if the tumor would be gone?

I just don't know.