I am going to the book signing on my own. SO has plans of his own for tonight,so it is good for me. Just have to find somewhere to eat on way. Will check internet later.

As my last entry said, I am reading the archives of reverendmother. I am up to 8/17/05. In my reading she asked a question about blogging. It caught my attention and I jotted down a note for a subject today- Why Do I Blog?

I need to answer that- do I blog just to vent? To whine and complain about what life is throwing my way-sometimes at my own insistance? Do I blog because I think my life is soooo exciting? Do I blog because 'everybody else is doing it!' Do I blog to learn more about myself, to awaken thoughts and to stretch my thinking? Why do I want to blog?

The wanting comes from way back. My mother did not believe in journals or diaries at all. In fact when she found one that my sister wrote, she tore it up and threw it away-after she read it. I hid my thoughts in other ways. My mother was of the school of thought-if you write down that you were so mad you could kill someone and that person was murdered or died, then you could be arrested. I don't know why she thought that, she would never explain why. I do know that she came across a lot of weird situations when she was working in a home for unwed mothers as a nurse way back in the early 50's.

But why do I want to do this online? I have thought about this all night. Perculating in the back burner. I want to blog because I want feedback. What this says about me I don't know-I have my ideas. I want to know what others that don't really know me or my background think. Is what I happen to be writing about on a particular day unusual? do others feel the same way?

I want to see my own growth as a person. I guess you can say I want some type of validation. Oh boy, I think I opened up a can of worms. I don't think that I am alone in this, otherwise, there wouldn't be so many blogs out there.

So, as I start this journey,(journal-journey-same root word)will I never rant about my SO, about life about how unfair it all is right then? No, I think we all have that little child in us or that teenager who needs to speak up just to get it out. But then I have to look deeper at what I am doing to cause (or how I am reacting) a situation. That is why I want to blog. So if you are interested in how a 51 year old really becomes an adult and grows up, come for the ride. It may be boring, but it may help you-and if you happen to have an answer for me-please share. Thanks.