I am glad to have friends that will be honest with me even when I don't want to hear it-or especially when I don't want to hear it. Thank you. I was getting defensive yesterday. After all, it is hard to say you were wrong after over 30 years. But I would not want this type of relationship for my DD, DGD, DS or anyone else I love, including my DH. There, it is out. But, I can't just leave. I can't go cold turkey. I am afraid. I have told him that I would not just walk out. And I don't go back on my word-never have. So, now to set up how to have him see what is happening. Will he be able to see it? I think the next 6 months are going to be rockier than this past year has been. But either he has to stop some of this action and work and grow actively, or we will be through soon. And join legions of marriages that end after the 30year mark. OH BOY! But first I will need to get into therapy to make sure my problems are just mine! I probably will need to work well beyond the next 5 years expected retirement and definately will need to move to cheaper place and will need to plan better career path. But that is all for 2011. First I need to get through doctor's appointment today.