DH and I talked alot last night when he got home. I mean really talked. No yelling, no hiding, but real feelings came out. I used validation techniques-I told him how sometimes when I came back from activities with friends he would make innuendo type comments that would hurt. Eventually I stopped wanting to do the activities-he explained that he was watching me and how I would be so happy and upbeat when I came home and then hit the dumps. He started feeling like I was emotionally cheating. (my words-his were more blunt.) I validated the feeling, but also advised that I wasn't-but that I was getting a need of mine filled so that is what he was seeing-the joy from that. We also talked about a little about 'walking on eggshells'. He said that he has felt that way also. OK, so I told him that the book I had talked about a personality disorder-and how to work around it. I also asked him if he would be willing to us a workbook to try to get both of us on an even keel. He seemed positive about it. He asked if I had read throught the entire book-I told him no, just some of it and it was not a book to rush through, but it was one I bought so that I could understand why I had the type of relationship I had had with my mother. (fast thinking-but truthful-he has similar personality.) Altogether an honest and upbeat talk. We also talked about his "happiness" request from the day before. He was meaning that he wants us to just get out of the apartment more; I mentioned the yarn store meeting I want to go to-he's happy with it-though he doesn't want me traveling to that part of DC by myself-I think that its more coming home in the dark. Area can be a little hinky. I told him that I was tired of the tantrums that he pulls when he doesn't get his way-and he listened without getting angry. Later on he was ready for be, I wasn't quite. Instead of telling me that he wanted just to cuddle (and we mean straight cuddle-fun stuff is on hold because of medical issue) he didn't and then said something when I came to bed. I told him that I don't read minds. IF he needs something, he HAS TO TELL ME. Before it becomes a big issue. And the same with me. So far, peaceful. We will see what happens.

I did tell him that when he asks "do you want me to leave?" or "do you want to leave?" it makes me think that he wants a divorce. So, if he does not want to divorce he needs to stop those type of statements. I haven't said I want to leave-yet. I still have hope of making this relationship last. I haven't given him an ultimatumn (sp?) but if this talk doesn't go anywhere-It may come out. I am going to do my damndest through the holidays. He wants to have fun-games and other activities; and he mentioned go to church too-this time for himself. For the first time he mentioned on his own that he missed going to church. Shocked the hell out of me. So we will see. This is another try.

I know TT, this may disappoint you. But if he is willing to try, I am too. I have too much invested to walk away. But no more abuse, or threats. That I have made clear. And he knows it.