I spoke to my dd last night. She has described weird behavior that her mother in law has exhibited in the past-I have seen some of it-in a very mild case. Well, every so often this woman will have my DGD and her other gd over to spend the night. She will tell the girls things and say-'don't tell your mother I said this or did this...." My dd has taught DGD that if any adult tells her that and it is not related to a gift for the mother, DGD is to tell mom as soon as she can. DGD does tell, and apparently VERY adult things have been told and done in her presence. The other mom doesn't seem to care cause she's getting free babysitting, but my dd is seeing boundaries broken. This combined with the stories SIL has told me and things MIL has said made me give DD the BPDfamily website.

DH was on phone with me. I had forgotten that I had told him about the website-I told DD that I went there to deal with things left from my mother - yes she had the disorder and I carry some things from that. DD said she'd check it out, because everyone in the family refers problems to DD to handle. DD wanted to know how come she became the family matriach. (I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because she was a strong personality and doesn't put up with BS.) But I think the real reason people go to her is that my daughter is level headed. She doesn't just blow up at people and will hold her tongue. MIL was pulling some of her BS at SIL birthday dinner at a restaurant, and HIS Grandmother-GB was there. GB asked DD why she didn't say something, and DD said, "I wouldn't do it with you there and I wouldn't do it cause it would've ruined the birthday dinner." GB said,"You say whatever you want-you speak your mind and I will back you up! That woman is ridiculous!" GB is NOT MIL's mother! GB is a sweet old lady that can be funny as all git and DD respects with all her heart. This woman treats dgd as if dgd is SIL child-and has since they met.

Anyway, after the phone call, DH asked me if he was that bad- I told him that he wasn't as bad as some. But the site was for me to learn how to not make things worse-how not to trigger him. How to communicate with him in such a way that he could hear what I was saying and respond to that without a major meltdown. I pointed out that it seems to be working since we have not had major meltdowns and he seems to be learning from me too. (I was headed toward a meltdown yesterday and HE averted it-hey we all get tired!!)

What I told him is the truth. I have learned alot from the site-I contribute to his behavior with my own. And I can tell when I have. Usually when I say something just the wrong way(non-validating). Have to learn to keep mouth shut-and also have to learn not to validate every single feeling. He gets real tired of that one. That's the trouble with intelligent people sometimes-they remember too much!!

Well, I hope you have a great Turkey Day. It will only be him and me. But we still bought an 18 pounder-he likes what I do with leftovers. Then we will have his dressing-which can be a meal by itself, and homemade cranberry sauce, his turned carrots-a carrot & turnip mix 2 to 1 ratio mixed with cream and butter, little sugar and s&p; and broccoli. NO mashed or sweet potatoes this year. We'll probably make them with leftovers, but frig is too full and oven too small. I am baking a pumpkin roll, a cranberry bread (no nuts so will add more cranberrys) and we have a lemon merangue pie-storebought. I know, don't need to bake, but he wants pumpkin roll and cranberry bread is our normal breakfast-though I do miss putting in the nuts!!

Don't ask me when it will get all done though-I will start baking when I get home tonight. Pumpkin roll first. Then cranberry bread & cranberry sauce all at the same time. My stomach just growled-by the time tomorrow evening comes-yum.

Then later-he's taking charge of making his dressing. He does it every year-DD gave us a good idea of baking it tonight and heating up portions in microwave as needed. (It is good as leftovers).

We use to cook the turkey on the Weber grill-we do have a small one-but we would be lucky to get two cornish game hens on it!! And we only have 1 small oven- racks are exactly 18 inch long 15 inches wide. We had to get a roasting pan last night to fit. He has plans for the turkey. I will peel the vegetables and make the broccoli-but the cooking tomorrow is mainly his-I think-subject to change if he doesn't want to do it or changes his mind, I will take it over.

Then we will relax, I will crochet or read or watch tv. I will miss the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade-always do! I usually see the very end!

But I have Friday off!!