It is cold out there. DH just made it into work. The elevator at the train station he usually gets went out of service just as he got to it. He can not feel his fingers and toes-they get cold easily as it is-he wears his gloves at 40 degrees-and with wind chill it is in the 20s, but he didn't wear his longer coat today. The building isn't warm yet since they cut the heat down over the weekend. I have layered sweaters on and I am chilly so I can imagine how he is feeling. Poor baby.

This being the 3rd month, I will be working between 3 desks-oh fun. Only this week, the upper secretary is on vacation, so I will be spending half days upstairs. Even more fun!! Add to this mix, my boss retirement luncheon, our holiday luncheon, the usual mix of staff meetings (on Thursdays), and hopefully I wont get sick. Good thing doc did prescribe a pain med that seems to allow me to stay upright and concious and works on the pain. That is very good and may allow me to work well.

We went to see Harry Potter on Saturday-I really do need to reread the entire series. The movies to leave out an awful lot!! There was so much I didn't remember!! And things that I remember that weren't there. I do wish that they had made it so that both of the movies came out close together. I believe the last one won't be released till June or July!!

It was a quiet day yesterday. It has been real quiet on home front-if you can't tell. Ever since I put up the boundaries of what I was not going to put up with any more-he fussed a bit. And then it has calmed down. Even the after noon cuddles are just that-no pressures. He doesn't like it if I don't want to cuddle, but funny thing is that when we don't, I miss it as much as he does. So we are both finding our way. And it is working.

Last night he made me (yes made me) sit down and watch a movie by myself without doing anything else. No crocheting, no game on the phone, no reading. I haven't been able to just sit and watch a movie at home in ages. He was doing dishes and keeping himself busy. He wasn't even in the room with me. He told me to think of a time when I was allowed to be a child-just a child and put myself into that place, and just be. I wasn't even to think of him. He then put in the Disney animated movie "Alice in Wonderland" and shut of the lights. And let me be. And for the first time in ages, I relaxed. It took awhile. My hands kept wanting to be occupied. But you know, after awhile, it felt good just to be. I haven't done that. Just be.

And to think, I didn't have to pay attention to DH. What triggered this? We had had a minor/major discussion about happiness and love. I told him that he wasn't responsible for my happiness. He took it that he wasn't to try to make me happy any more. It took awhile to get that straight. But we finally did. He equates being happy with someone and being in love and loving someone all as one and the same. I see shades of difference. I see that I am responsible for my own happiness. We do things that we know will please someone because we want them to be happy, because we care for them, because we love them-but if they don't want to be happy-we are not responsible for that-once the act is done, once the gift is given,,it is out of our hands. The rest is up to the recipient. He doesn't see it that way. I my statement hurt him bad-he took it that I was rejecting his gifts. I saw it that I was relieving him of the responsibility of making me happy. And the true answer is somewhere in the middle. But he also started to understand that at times I feel like he is trying to take me over. And he made a statement that he loves my -pointing to my heart and loves my -pointing to my forehead; and doesn't want either to change or to be like him, or to take it over. And then he asked if I thought he wanted to take it over. I nodded, and thats when he hugged me hard and said no. For the first time in a long time I know we are on the same page.