i come to work almost an hour early. Besides trying to make sure I get here in time, I use that hour to read up and post here, and learn. DH was making a comment about how early I get to work, and I told him that I use this time to do alot of online reading about relationships etc. He made a comment about how it seems to have made ours worse.

No, what it has done is made me more aware of the enmeshment. Of the Co-dependent behavior. I was taught that you do EVERYTHING for your loved one first, you put yourself LAST ALWAYS! Well, I don't do that anymore. I make sure that I do what I need to do to be happy/healthy/safe. I make sure that I don't deprive him either, but I make us equal, neither one above the other. He asked what happened to that woman who use to make his happiness the priority. I couldn't answer honestly because it would have led to another argument. I have been told that I am selfish. Yes, I am. I have become more so-last night I wasn't quite ready to jump up and go to bed when it was time. I needed to meditate for a few minutes and I told DH that I would be there in 15 to 30 min., I wasn't ready. He wouldn't let it lay. He didn't understand.

He wasn't in bed yet when I joined him. I had shut of the tv, put down the book I was reading, and just centered myself. concentrated on breathing, on just being there for 10 minutes. I finally relaxed.

When I told him that I needed to relax for a few minutes, that I had felt my neck muscles tighten up, he said, "I would have given you a back rub." I needed to be alone. Totally alone for a little bit. Am I weird here? Just peace and quiet for 10 minutes with no one around me at all. but he sees that as rejecting him.