I finished the baby blanket last night! Except for weaving in the loose ends. Hurray! It came out pretty! I have to take a picture of it and figure out how to post it from my phone to here! (our camera has come up lost-probably in a box or drawer and batteries probably dead!)

Dh has been looking on line to take us on a midnight cruise-I think this is in the Cheasapeake Bay. Ship looks nice-it would be nice if we could make it a weekend trip with hotel room and then go back there instead of trying to make it all the way home. Doesn't look like the ship is wheelchair accesible-he is suppose to find out. But, if we could go to hotel first-by public transportation-with his wheelchair, change and dress up there, catch a cab to ship and enjoy evening, then go back to hotel-and use his wheelchair to play tourist the next day-would be fun!! They run the midnight dinner cruises during July and August.

TT has asked me for definition of adult love-commitment, caring, helping, compassion, passion, joy, and hope all go into it. I noticed the first one that came to my mind was commitment. That may be why leaving my DH is so hard for me-the commitment I made to him so many years ago is still strong. Until somehting breaks that commitment, I can't leave.

I do know that when he 'threatens' divorce, the fear of being left isn't there. Is it because I 'know' he won't do it or because I know I am strong enough to face whatever comes ahead I don't know. I do know that the last time he said that I told him that if he was serious then we need to sit down and plan things out cause him just leaving wasn't going to work. Finances, bills, the house in IL all have to be handled. I was matter of fact. This was over 6 weeks ago. Since that time he hasn't brought it up again.

Yesterday he started reving up again. I stopped it by asking him point blank "what are you angry about?". He tried to palm off you know what it is. I told him no, he had said several things that didn't make sense to me. He needed to be specific. It made him stop and think it out. Turned out to be nothing and was addressed then and there. Nothing I validated that time, it was all on him. (Oh, and I think part of all of this is that I enjoy part of this-I like 'teaching' him these tools.) So that is my payback. There is something in it for me.

We had a calm evening, and it is going on. I know that my dear friend has my heart in hers and wants the very best for me. She wants for me what she has. That is LOVE in its purest form. Thank you TT! That means the world to me. And maybe because I know you are there for me, I can bare the rest of this.

Though, if the rest of you are reading this, hopefully you can tell, I am growing stronger.

It is showing at work. My office mate that can go off and I were having a discussion about Maria&Arnold separating. I mentioned that I wasn't surprised that they separated-that if he had won the re-election they would have stayed together based on her and his political savy. She went on that couples need to work and stay together. (she is divorced and says she is a marriage counselor). I stated that in a marriage if one partner is not willing to grow and one does grow it will cause problems. She questioned the idea of growth and started going off. I basically ignored her after her first statement, working at what I had to do. This morning she stated that she won't discuss marriages with me anymore!

What I am finding surprising is that my internal health issues have settled down as I have gotten stronger. As long as this continues I will be fine. I feel like my leave is getting under control-I am work with a sinus migraine-thanks TT for telling me about the mix of meds-didn't take it all at the same time, but it is working somewhat.

We were planning a 'spring cleaning' over Memorial Day weekend. Well, it is happening this weekend instead. The apartment management is coming in next Tuesday/Wednesday to do a basic inspection of fire alarms, sinks, air conditioners etc. so it makes sense to do it now. Also we will be having a wet weekend, so really can't go out touristing. We will be getting up early tomorrow to start-Laundry is first. It is a relatively small load-so after a good breakfast, we start there and then hit the bedroom. Boxes to go through! Hey-back closet will get organized and I may finally find all my yarn!!

Oh, forgot to say-in our staff meeting yesterday, when it came time for me to say "if I had anything" I announced that I would be looking for assignments-work from the managers. Took my manager by surprise I think. I had told her that I would be ready soon!