It is time I started talking to my doc about trying for medical retirement. My system isn't letting me work the way I wanted to. I am not able to concentrate very well today, even thought I made it in. I have been missing too much work. B isn't going to like this, but missing as much work as I have been missing would be even worse.

Usually, if I am feeling a little bit off in the morning, by 10, I am better. Not today. Tonight will be a quiet night. And of course, because I know I am not working my best, I am stressing. Oh well. Need to stop that, cause it makes everything worse. And it becomes a cycle.

Can I have a life do over?

Does anyone else ever wish that? That they could do it all over?

I wouldn't change my adoption. No matter how much I bitch and complain about my 'wrotten' childhood, I know my parents loved me. Yes, things could have been better, but the things I learned made me stronger. What I would have done different probably would start about the time I turned 16. And I think the first decision I would have changed-where I started working part time. That was not the best place for me. I learned some things, but I was exposed to somethings that stripped some naivete away-I should have kept it. Second decision was West Point. Maybe I would have flunked, but that would have been my own attempt. And it still would have been an accomplishment just to get in. And from there, who know what would have changed. I know I probably would be a stronger person than I am now.

But I would not have had my children or my grandchildren. Do the scales balance? I don't know. I wish I did.

Oh well. I just need to go from here and do what I can do.