The person who voiced a negative view to my separation was voicing her position again today. I told her that prayer was done. But this is the workmate that goes on and on and on. So I just went back to what I was doing cause there wasn't anyway to stop her from talking. But then I got to thinking. The arguments she's bringing up are the same ones B is going to use. Time, and Love and family, and need, and loneliness, and so forth. And I had a reasonable and calm answer for each. Of course I am half crying inside because it has come down to all of this. And I let it last as long as this.

I was telling someone the other day, about 20 years ago I use to drive to work. I had to drive west to get to work. I don't know how many mornings I just wanted to keep on driving west and not take that exit. Just run away from it all. All that kept me from doing it, from chucking it all, was the fact that I had two kids that I love. Oh, what did I do to them? That is what is making me cry now. Lord forgive me for that mistake. I hope my son can learn from this all, and that my daughter doesn't repeat it. I don't think that she will..

It is hard coming in to work each day and smiling when everyone thinks everything is ok. I don't want to ruin B's work reputation. So, I need to be strong here. And if I do that, then my reputation will grow to. (even though I expect to get a bitch type sooner or later). I know one of B's coworkers knows there's troubles. He has heard us talking at lunch and told B that he was 'glad' we were trying to work it out. That was a while ago.