B had asked me to figure out when vacation time could be so we could take care of things in IL. I am sitting at other Secretary's desk, so I did that. 3 possible choices, July, August or November. So I called him. And he is crying. Says its all up to me. Uh, no, his job requirements have changed. His work determines when he can leave. He said he will take Leave without pay. No. I said by, and I got the 'I love you' return. Oh, boy. I guess reality is settling in. He didn't think that I was serious.

He never learned this major thing about me. I don't get angry easy, but when I do, look out. It takes alot to push me to the end of my rope, but when I am there, there are no threads. I gave him warning two years ago. So suck it up and work on figuring where YOU went wrong. Cause this time it is not on me.

update: He called me back. We will be going in August. Good deadline folks. By that time the counseling will either be working or not. Van muffler will have been fixed on his dime. Hey, he wanted to charge gifts-he can pay. I will have saved FUNDS for me to be able to move safely. We will have same room but separate beds-agreed already. Labor Day holiday will allow us to spend time with DD and DGD. DGD will be in 7th grade. Talking will be done. Cat will be coming, and I expect to have to pay some for travel. If counseling work isn't permanent, I will still be saving my 'kitty funds' cause I WILL NEVER BE IN THIS POSITION AGAIN.

So, I have made a great deal of headway. He is in pain, and part of me feels for him, but I am taking care of myself first for a change instead of taking care of him first. Yes, it is hard and it is a shift I never thought I would find myself take.

I know the next months are not going to be easy. Hell, when I said I need to be off next Monday for the whole day, doc appointment he was surprised. He asked if I wanted him to come, NO. (I am combining my PT within the same timeframe). Leave has been approved. I am not planning on taking anymore leave till the August timeframe.

You know what I can't explain, the only time I have felt sick was this weekend, after I spent 24 continuous hours with B. So, I am using that as my gauge. If that happens, then I am removing myself from his company. And this weekend, I will be busy on Friday evening-Laundry and Saturday I plan on really cleaning the bedroom and redoing it.

So, please, I am not backsliding. I AM going forward.