Oh well, he can't hide everything. Neither can I.

Ever try to tell someone what is wrong in 50 minutes? Can't be done. I give her credit, even though I repeated alot of what I told her on the phone, she did not say anything about it being a repeat. Did not betray that it was old news to her at all.

B did get a couple of shocks. First off was when I said that after being married for 33 years I should feel more for my husband than feeling as if I had been on 10 dates or so. A deep caring. Even though I say "I love you" the depth of feeling isn't there, not like it should be. I told her of the latest debacle with finances with DD and then B's breakdown afterward. She asked me what I would like to see. I told her that a simple "I am disappointed that I cannot do what I had planned." Then drop it! Not go on and on to different things. I told her that I ended up blocking him out because it wasn't making any sense to me.

When T asked B why we were there he told her that he was the cause of everything. Playing poor me in reverse? She didn't buy it and dug deeper. Then he said things that had me going HUH? That I was confused. That I would have flashbacks to my early childhood and then within the week we would have arguements. (that happened twice-didn't have anything to do with the flashbacks) That I don't remember what I say. When she asked why he was in wheelchair it led on, then he brought up his brain surgery.(of course, it HAS to come up.) Anuerysm was found while we were trying to find out why he was having seizure type behavior. While talking about the seizures I mentioned that I could tell the difference between his REAL seizures and his EMOTIONAL seizures. He did not like that. He didn't know why I never said that before. T said probably because I didn't feel safe. I also brought up his suicide threats.

But you know what the biggest thing was, even before we go in, we have to fill out paperwork. You know that there is always paperwork. B didn't figure himself to be a client. I was the only client. The T came in and I recognized her sort of said her name and she said yes. So I asked her, and she said you both are clients, even though it is 1 therapy session. He didn't like that very much.

This week's homework for both of us is to treat each other kindly. Kind words and actions-do small things for each other. If a slip up occurs-the other is to say something to the effect of, 'I don't think you meant to do that, It hurt.' B has the additional assignment of, in her words, STOP POUTING.

We will meet next week jointly, then she will do one on one with each of us. That is the part that scares me. B can be very charismatic. I hope she sees through that.

You know the hard part will be the homework-doing small things for B. I don't know if I have that in me.

I am adding on to this-we went out to eat after T appointment, I didn't want to go straight to apartment and it was late enough for supper. B said later that he told me he wasn't that hungry, but I don't remember that. We went to an Italian place-Fundumondo. A little expensive,but not too bad. He ordered ravioli then only ate less then 1/3 of them-maybe 3. Then last night he got a migraine, heartburne and intestinal problems. I guess the stress of the T visit got to him. Or he's being made to look at himself and he doesn't like what the future holds.

I guess he gets it that when I say "I love you" I am really saying that I care for him. Not the romantic love that he wants so badly.