Here's the text of the latest from bin Laden (or his henchmen, or a group of CIA disinformation specialists, or...). Anyway, whoever it is (and I guess I'm about 50/50 on whether bin Laden is dead or alive right now), it's chock full of insane fun.

Let's have a look...

We are following up with great interest and extreme concern the crusaders' preparations for war to occupy a former capital of Islam, loot Muslims' wealth, and install an agent government, which would be a satellite for its masters in Washington and Tel Aviv, just like all the other treasonous and agent Arab governments.

This would be in preparation for establishing the Greater Israel.

Damn! He pegged us! This isn't about oil or weapons of mass destruction, or any of that other nonsense. It's about building a giant Jewish nation across the entire Middle East! The jig is up, fellow Americans. We've been exposed.

So fight ye against the friends of Satan: feeble indeed is the cunning of Satan.

And here I thought Satan's cunning was pretty damned solid. Nope...it's "feeble".

Prophet Muhammad, God's peace be upon him, said: "Avoid the seven grave sins; polytheism, sorcery, killing, unless permitted by God, usury, taking the money of orphans, fleeing from combat, and slandering innocent faithful women."

Damn, I usually cover all that before my morning coffee. Especially the sorcery and taking money from orphans. Sometimes I use sorcery to take money from orphans (does that count triple, or something?).

And you have to like the caveat on killing. It's wrong...unless God says it's okay. Nice escape clause there.

This is in light of the huge media machine they have.

My, what a huge media machine you have!

They also lack a fair cause to defend. They only fight for capitalists, usury takers, and the merchants of arms and oil, including the gang of crime at the White House.

This is in addition to crusader and personal grudges by Bush the father.

They should sign him up for the next anti-war rally. He'd fit in just fine. These are pretty much the same arguments, aren't they?

Then he goes on to extol the virtues of trench warfare. All good, sound advice for all of you out there who want to effectively fight the infidels.

We also point out that whoever supported the United States, including the hypocrites of Iraq or the rulers of Arab countries, those who approved their actions and followed them in this crusade war by fighting with them or providing bases and administrative support, or any form of support, even by words, to kill the Muslims in Iraq, should know that they are apostates and outside the community of Muslims.

Whoever supported the U.S., including the hypocrites of Iraq? I think it's been a while since Iraq supported the U.S. What the hell is he talking about?

But then he tells the people of Iraq to brace for war:

Regardless of the removal or the survival of the socialist party or Saddam, Muslims in general and the Iraqis in particular must brace themselves for jihad against this unjust campaign and acquire ammunition and weapons.

But right after he seems to be telling them to prepare to fight, he says:

Fighting in support of the non-Islamic banners is forbidden.

I can't keep up with this guy. Anybody else confused?

This part's pretty clear, though:

Keep this saying before your eyes: "It is not fitting for a Prophet that he should have prisoners of war until he hath thoroughly subdued the land."

"Therefore, when ye meet the unbelievers (in fight), smite at their necks."

Don't take prisoners, and kill everyone who doesn't believe what you do. Nice.

Anyway, like I said, I don't know how authentic it is, but if it was written by CIA spooks, they should probably move to Hollywood and write screenplays. This stuff is really entertaining. If it is actually bin Laden, I think that's only good news. It means there's still a warm body to hunt down and either capture or kill.