This makes me wince on many different levels. A teen-magazine style New Testament for teenage girls.

Called Revolve, the publication blends the text of the New Testament with the graphics and gimmicks of a teen magazine, including quizzes that ask such questions as: "Are you dating a Godly guy?"

Does that mean he can turn water to wine, or that he's righteous?

I especially liked some of the "beauty secrets":

As you apply your sunscreen, use that time to talk to God. Tell him how grateful you are for how he made you. Soon, you'll be so used to talking to him, it might become as regular and familiar as shrinking your pores.

and...

Always remember that your emotions are more important than your looks when it comes to beauty. Have a spirit that shines with a healthy glow like that hair you've been wanting.

I've got a slogan for the cover: "Revolve, Finally a Version of the New Testament That Presents a Faith as Shallow and Vacuous as You"

But you won't find a horoscope column in this teen mag:

Q: I sometimes like to read my horoscope in magazines. They are so right most of the time. What's wrong with learning about my future?

A: Astrology is totally condemned in the Scripture. It's using something good, like the stars and planets, to manipulate people by giving them false ideas of their future. In Isaiah 47:13-15, he says the astrologers are "like straw; fire will quickly burn them up. They cannot save themselves," so how can they save you?

Yeah, 'cause it's awful when people manipulate others by giving them false ideas.

Like, gag me with a communion wafer.