So I'm watching one of the half dozen televangelist stations here in Dallas last night (yes, sometimes it's more entertaining than anything else on), and a Pastor Munsey, a godly man with ungodly hair, was in the middle of a sermon about Job. You remember the story, don't you?

So on the screen, I'm made aware that we're in the middle of a "Share-a-thon", with a 1-800 number generously provided so that I can call in and share my money with Pastor Munsey.

Well, he's talking about what the story of Job was really about. See, I learned in Sunday School that Job was about holding onto your faith in the face of adversity. Job lost everything...his goats, his oxen, his sheep, his wife, his kids. He even sprouted boils for good measure. But still he loved god, which is the moral of the story, right?

Nope. Pastor Munsey set me straight. See, satan took away all of Job's goat and oxen and sheep so that he could put no offering on the altar. And when you can make no offering to god...well, then your life is going to suck. It's quid pro quo, see. Put a goat on the altar and god will reward you tenfold. But if satan kills your goats, and you have none to offer, god ain't giving you shit. Got it?

So if you're a budding televangelist, here's your exercise for the day: Take your favorite Bible story and write a short sermon about how it's really all about giving your money to god (or in this case, you). Bonus points for the less seemingly related the story is to tithing.