No, that isn't a euphemism (for hemorrhoids or something). I've had an actual snail on the bumper of my car for the past two days.

Thing is, I have no idea how in the hell he/she/it could have gotten there. It couldn't have climbed up...it would have had to climb up a tire and slither along the inner workings of the chassis to make it out onto the bumper. Could it have fallen from a tree or something? This seems more probable, but still unlikely. I park in a garage both at work and home...the snail would have had to climb onto the roof of either and detach itself to fall (a long, hard way) onto my car, then work its way down to the bumper.

But despite the mystery surrounding how it got there, I'm faced with a moral dilemma. It's probably going to die if I leave it there. But it certainly must have worked very hard to get there, so wouldn't it be wrong to pluck it off?

Maybe I'll just shake a little salt on it when I get home and be done with it.