Silly Thinking

Hello everyone and welcome to
"Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain" Now union made.

It's time for our special weekend internet award winning feature "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities".

Today we have the first lady of the American Musical Theatre with us.Won't you join me in a loud welcome for...
DEAD MISS ETHEL MERMAN!!!!!



HELLO EVERYONE I'M ETHEL MERMAN AND I'M REALLY DEAD.

YOU KNOW COLE PORTER ONCE TOLD ME I HAD A VOICE THAT COULD WAKE THE DEAD. I NOW KNOW IT'S TRUE. I KEEP WAKING MYSELF UP!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET ERNIE BORGNINE UP HERE!!!!
WE WERE MARRIED ONCE AND AFTER THE HONEYMOON THE BASTARD LEFT ME. SAID I WAS.. AGRRESIVE!!!!

I CAN'T BELEIVE IT!! EVER SEE ME IN "GYPSY"? I WAS THE TOAST OF BROADWAY.

HOW ABOUT A SONG? MAESTRO IF YOU PLEASE...


"THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOW... EVEN IF YOUR DEAD.
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS APPEALING WHEN YOU ARE STEALING THAT EXTRA BOW.. WHEN YOUR DEAD.
THERE'S NO PEOPLE LIKE DEAD SHOW PEOPLE THEY SMILE WHEN THEY ARE DEAD.
EVEN IN A TURKEY THAT YOU KNOW WILL FALL THE CURTAIN GOES UP AND THERE YOU ARE DEAD..."

YOU KNOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU... YOU KNOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN EVERYONE WANTS ME TO DO ANOTHER NUMBER SO... MAESTRO...HIT IT.

"THINGS LOOK SWELL. THINGS LOOK GREAT. GONNA HAVE THE DEAD WORLD ON A PLATE!
STARTING HERE! STARTING DEAD! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP DEAD ROSES!!!'

YOU KNOW UP HERE...HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU! YOU KNOW UP HERE A LOT OF MY OLD DEAD FRIENDS SHOW UP.
LOOK OVER THERE... IT'S UNCLE MILTIE! MILTON BERLE!
HI YA MILTIE!!


"Oh shit. Hi Ethel.. you bitch."


HEY MILTIE I'M ON 'SILLY THINKING' WHATYA THINK ABOUT THAT?"


"Great you old bag."


HEY WHY SO GLUM MILTON? IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.


"Quit screaming for Christ's sake!'


HAHHAHAHAHA. YOU'RE GREAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND A NO TALENT BUM.

HE'S ONE OF MY DEAREST AND OLDEST FRIENDS.

AND LOOK OVER THERE. IT'S DONALD O'CONNER. HEY DON? IT'S ME... IT'S ETHEL MERMAN!!!


"Great. What's next Hitler?"


HAHAHAHA. HOW ARE YOU, YOU BIG FAT TURD?


"I'm dead and I don't feel so good. Big suprise."


HEY DON REMEMBER THOSE PICTURES WE DID TOGETHER LIKE 'THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS' AND "CALL ME MADAM"?


"How could I forget? I still have a headache from you fucking screaming your lines in my ear."


HEY DON, REMEMBER THIS ONE?

"MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. DO YOU NEED ANY MONEY TODAY?"


"Oh Christ not that piece of crap. I had better scenes with that god damn talking mule."


"MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY. SIGN YOUR NAME ON THE DOTTED LINE.."


"Stop it! Your just too loud, you rotting pile of flesh."


YOU HAMMY PIECE OF CRAP GET OUT! I LOVE HIM DEARLY. WELL FOLKS THAT'S ABOUT IT FROM HERE. I'M GLAD YOU COULD VISIT ME AND ALL MY FRIENDS. AND REMEMBER...MAESTRO..

"EVERYTHING'S COMING UP DEAD DAFFODYLS. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND LOLLIPOPS...FOR ME....FOR ME... FOR MEEEEEEEE I'M REALLY DEEEEAAADDD!"

And aren't we all glad about that. Thank you Dead Ethel Merman and dead Uncle Miltie and dead Donald O'Conner.

What a treat. We'll be back tommorow with more "A Few Moments With Dead Celebrities" right here on "Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain" now made by dead union workers.