Silly Thinking
*with Jim Farris*
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BREAKING NEWS: TENNESEE AND VIRGINIA PRIMARIES
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THIS IS SILLY THINKING BREAKING NEWS.
From Silly Thinking News Headquarters in New York here is Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening. The early returns are in from the Virginia and Tennesee Democratic primaries and the results are a shocking suprise. In BOTH states it looks like Kerry will win handly with 53% of the vote so far and John Edwards second with aproximatly 23% and General Clark third.
It looks like this may be the end of the Clark campaign with little money left and nowhere to go but down.
It looks like the military leader will self destruct tonight.
Joining me now is G.I. Joe.
GIJ: Hello Miss Chung, SIR!
CC: G.I Joe, what went wrong with the Clark campaign?
GIJ: Yes Ma'am! He did poorly Ma'am. He didn't measure up to the task at hand and lost. Ma'am!
CC: Are you gay?
GIJ: YES MA'AM! I'M GAY MA'AM!
CC: A lot of political watchers thought John Edwards might do better in these southern primaries. Second place is good, but some thought he would pull out a win tonight.
Joining me now are The Dukes OF Hazzard.
Beau, other guy, good evenning.
BD: Hi ya Miss Chung.
OGD: Hey! Miss Chung!
CC: Boy's what happened to Edwards?
BD: Garsh, Miss Chung I dunno. But Boss Hogg is a rascal.
OGD: Yup! He's a scoundrel. And his deputy is a corrupt toady.
BD: YEEE HAAA! Corrupt toady. Yup that is right.
CC: Boys were you really just good ol boys or were you common thieves and moonshiners who pretended to be good ol boys?
OGD: We were, uhh.. good ol boys! Yee haa!
CC: IS Daisy Duke a lesbian?
BD: Wha? What the hell you talkin' about, Miss Chung?
CC: Joining me now is the man who played the President in the movie "Independence Day" Bill Pullman.
Good evening Bill.
BP: OK.
CC: Bill, were you suprised to discover that G.I. Joe is gay?
BP: I knew it. I knew it. I told my agent that you would freak out on me again. I knew it.
CC: Interesting. What about Daisy Duke. Do you think she's a lesbo?
BP: What the hell is wrong with you? MY GOD! Who thinks that way? WHO CARES? The future of the country is at stake with these primaries and you....
CC: I have to interrupt you, President E.T., because John Kerry is approaching the podium to speak. He is lingering in the crowd.
There he is smiling at his fans and followers. The crowd is cheering him on with a three to one victory.
He is certainly taking his sweet ass time to speak to those supporters.
CC: Well, I haven't got all day. We will be back when General Clark withdraws or other breaking news occurs.
We'll see you later.
This is has been a Silly Thinking BREAKING NEWS SPECIAL REPORT. SIlly Thinking Breaking News. A new commitment to broken news.
Jim Lain presents Silly Farris with Douglas Thinking. I need to lay down!
From Silly Thinking News Headquarters in New York here is Connie Chung.
CC: Good evening. The early returns are in from the Virginia and Tennesee Democratic primaries and the results are a shocking suprise. In BOTH states it looks like Kerry will win handly with 53% of the vote so far and John Edwards second with aproximatly 23% and General Clark third.
It looks like this may be the end of the Clark campaign with little money left and nowhere to go but down.
It looks like the military leader will self destruct tonight.
Joining me now is G.I. Joe.
GIJ: Hello Miss Chung, SIR!
CC: G.I Joe, what went wrong with the Clark campaign?
GIJ: Yes Ma'am! He did poorly Ma'am. He didn't measure up to the task at hand and lost. Ma'am!
CC: Are you gay?
GIJ: YES MA'AM! I'M GAY MA'AM!
CC: A lot of political watchers thought John Edwards might do better in these southern primaries. Second place is good, but some thought he would pull out a win tonight.
Joining me now are The Dukes OF Hazzard.
Beau, other guy, good evenning.
BD: Hi ya Miss Chung.
OGD: Hey! Miss Chung!
CC: Boy's what happened to Edwards?
BD: Garsh, Miss Chung I dunno. But Boss Hogg is a rascal.
OGD: Yup! He's a scoundrel. And his deputy is a corrupt toady.
BD: YEEE HAAA! Corrupt toady. Yup that is right.
CC: Boys were you really just good ol boys or were you common thieves and moonshiners who pretended to be good ol boys?
OGD: We were, uhh.. good ol boys! Yee haa!
CC: IS Daisy Duke a lesbian?
BD: Wha? What the hell you talkin' about, Miss Chung?
CC: Joining me now is the man who played the President in the movie "Independence Day" Bill Pullman.
Good evening Bill.
BP: OK.
CC: Bill, were you suprised to discover that G.I. Joe is gay?
BP: I knew it. I knew it. I told my agent that you would freak out on me again. I knew it.
CC: Interesting. What about Daisy Duke. Do you think she's a lesbo?
BP: What the hell is wrong with you? MY GOD! Who thinks that way? WHO CARES? The future of the country is at stake with these primaries and you....
CC: I have to interrupt you, President E.T., because John Kerry is approaching the podium to speak. He is lingering in the crowd.
There he is smiling at his fans and followers. The crowd is cheering him on with a three to one victory.
He is certainly taking his sweet ass time to speak to those supporters.
CC: Well, I haven't got all day. We will be back when General Clark withdraws or other breaking news occurs.
We'll see you later.
This is has been a Silly Thinking BREAKING NEWS SPECIAL REPORT. SIlly Thinking Breaking News. A new commitment to broken news.
Jim Lain presents Silly Farris with Douglas Thinking. I need to lay down!
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