Silly Thinking
*with Jim Farris*
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BREAKING NEWS: WATER ON MARS, MARGE SCHOTT DIES, HAITI, IRAQ
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THIS IS SILLY THINKING BREAKING NEWS:
WATER ON MARS!
Now, from our New York World News Headquarters in New York… Here is Connie Chung!
CC: Good morning to the west coast and good afternoon to the east coast on this big news day.
From Pasadena’s jet propulsion laboratory comes this stunning new discovery:
It is confirmed that the space rover Spirit has found that Mars was once a water drenched habitat that supported life!
Rocks found on the red planet were soaked at one time, the stones that have been analyzed here on earth from aboard the rover have been, “displaced” and “changed” by water inside and out.
Scientists say that “small round particles” in the rocks themselves are ancient water droplets and the small tab shaped holes in the outer surface of the Mars rocks are “crystal voids” formed from water and sulpher within the structure of the rocks.
This virtually confirms that earth and Mars were similar environments at one time and both support and supported life.
So, even though NASA cannot confirm life on Mars today, they can confirm that the earth like environment was (and still could be) life supporting.
We have space alien Independent Presidential candidate Ralph Nader with us. Good morning Mister Nader.
RN: Earthling Chung, good morning.
CC: Mr. Nader you are not from Mars, but Neptune. Is this news surprising to you?
RN: Earthling Chung, it is not. We Neptunian’s have always known that earth creatures were Martians who came to earth after they destroyed the livability of their own planet. It seems in ancient times the Martians somehow polluted their own water and air in some insane quest for a huge weapon that would protect them.
CC: Protect them from what?
RN: Earthling Chung here is the shocking answer: to protect themselves from themselves. They were trying to destroy each other.
CC: Amazing! And did Neptune go to Mars and try to enlighten them and help the Martians?
RN: We did. We tried on several occasions. Once we accidentally crashed on Mars and had to turn some Martians into zombies to help us repair our ship. On another occasion one of our scientists was left behind and befriended a young Martian who tried to help him but the older Martians found out and almost killed our scientist before he made things fly and got back.
On another occasion we sent a peace activist and his Neptunian robot to Mars and tried to address world leaders on peace.
CC: Amazing. What happened?
RN: He ended up with a woman and the Martians tried to kill the robot. It was a mess. But we got the hell out of there.
All of the Martians were idiots! They ignored our warnings. Idiots! Idiots!
CC: Amazing. Is your presidential bid tied to warnings from Neptune to help save our planet?
RN: No. In fact, Neptunian’s advised me not to run as did many former Martians and earthlings. This run has nothing to do with peace in the universe. I think, me, solely, is important to me. It’s all about me, me, me.
CC: Amazing. Thank you Ralph Nader and good luck.
In other BREAKING NEWS today:
Haiti is in chaos as the U.S. kidnapped the democratically elected President and have supported the rebels who they worked to eliminate six years ago. Rebels are looting and killing people as American Marines guard the Presidential palace.
Attacks in Iraq killed 140 Shiite Muslims who were celebrating their most holy holiday for the first time in 30 years in Iraq. Explosions hit scared Mosques throughout the war torn country. Vice President Cheney says he “has a hunch” that it was Al Queda operatives who also attacked this country on 9/11 and destroyed the world trade center and the pentagon. And they attempted to kill him and the President. We’ll have more on this developing story.
Marge Schott, the former owner of the Cincinnati Reds, has died at age 76. The open racist, tough talking Schott, was banned from baseball after making controversial statements a decade ago about the color and background of players.
The bigot was hospitalized two weeks ago and the cause of death has not been disclosed.
Even though she was a backward thinking thug who categorized “Negroes” as inferior she will be missed by the media for her colorful comments that always made news.
On a personal note: she was a one of a kind, colorful personality, and I will miss her. A lot. What a woman!
Super Tuesday polls show John Kerry to win from one end of the country to the other, but in a few states it will be close. In other words, John Edwards may almost win but in the end he won’t. We will continue to focus on those few races that may look close but really aren't in order to justify our existence.
We will be back as news breaks. For now, I’m Connie Chung, see you later.
This has been SILLY THINKING BREAKING NEWS. Stay with SILLY THINKING for more news as it BREAKS.
Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain. Now on a 5 second delay for your protection.
WATER ON MARS!
Now, from our New York World News Headquarters in New York… Here is Connie Chung!
CC: Good morning to the west coast and good afternoon to the east coast on this big news day.
From Pasadena’s jet propulsion laboratory comes this stunning new discovery:
It is confirmed that the space rover Spirit has found that Mars was once a water drenched habitat that supported life!
Rocks found on the red planet were soaked at one time, the stones that have been analyzed here on earth from aboard the rover have been, “displaced” and “changed” by water inside and out.
Scientists say that “small round particles” in the rocks themselves are ancient water droplets and the small tab shaped holes in the outer surface of the Mars rocks are “crystal voids” formed from water and sulpher within the structure of the rocks.
This virtually confirms that earth and Mars were similar environments at one time and both support and supported life.
So, even though NASA cannot confirm life on Mars today, they can confirm that the earth like environment was (and still could be) life supporting.
We have space alien Independent Presidential candidate Ralph Nader with us. Good morning Mister Nader.
RN: Earthling Chung, good morning.
CC: Mr. Nader you are not from Mars, but Neptune. Is this news surprising to you?
RN: Earthling Chung, it is not. We Neptunian’s have always known that earth creatures were Martians who came to earth after they destroyed the livability of their own planet. It seems in ancient times the Martians somehow polluted their own water and air in some insane quest for a huge weapon that would protect them.
CC: Protect them from what?
RN: Earthling Chung here is the shocking answer: to protect themselves from themselves. They were trying to destroy each other.
CC: Amazing! And did Neptune go to Mars and try to enlighten them and help the Martians?
RN: We did. We tried on several occasions. Once we accidentally crashed on Mars and had to turn some Martians into zombies to help us repair our ship. On another occasion one of our scientists was left behind and befriended a young Martian who tried to help him but the older Martians found out and almost killed our scientist before he made things fly and got back.
On another occasion we sent a peace activist and his Neptunian robot to Mars and tried to address world leaders on peace.
CC: Amazing. What happened?
RN: He ended up with a woman and the Martians tried to kill the robot. It was a mess. But we got the hell out of there.
All of the Martians were idiots! They ignored our warnings. Idiots! Idiots!
CC: Amazing. Is your presidential bid tied to warnings from Neptune to help save our planet?
RN: No. In fact, Neptunian’s advised me not to run as did many former Martians and earthlings. This run has nothing to do with peace in the universe. I think, me, solely, is important to me. It’s all about me, me, me.
CC: Amazing. Thank you Ralph Nader and good luck.
In other BREAKING NEWS today:
Haiti is in chaos as the U.S. kidnapped the democratically elected President and have supported the rebels who they worked to eliminate six years ago. Rebels are looting and killing people as American Marines guard the Presidential palace.
Attacks in Iraq killed 140 Shiite Muslims who were celebrating their most holy holiday for the first time in 30 years in Iraq. Explosions hit scared Mosques throughout the war torn country. Vice President Cheney says he “has a hunch” that it was Al Queda operatives who also attacked this country on 9/11 and destroyed the world trade center and the pentagon. And they attempted to kill him and the President. We’ll have more on this developing story.
Marge Schott, the former owner of the Cincinnati Reds, has died at age 76. The open racist, tough talking Schott, was banned from baseball after making controversial statements a decade ago about the color and background of players.
The bigot was hospitalized two weeks ago and the cause of death has not been disclosed.
Even though she was a backward thinking thug who categorized “Negroes” as inferior she will be missed by the media for her colorful comments that always made news.
On a personal note: she was a one of a kind, colorful personality, and I will miss her. A lot. What a woman!
Super Tuesday polls show John Kerry to win from one end of the country to the other, but in a few states it will be close. In other words, John Edwards may almost win but in the end he won’t. We will continue to focus on those few races that may look close but really aren't in order to justify our existence.
We will be back as news breaks. For now, I’m Connie Chung, see you later.
This has been SILLY THINKING BREAKING NEWS. Stay with SILLY THINKING for more news as it BREAKS.
Jim Farris presents Silly Thinking with Douglas Lain. Now on a 5 second delay for your protection.
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