Silly Thinking

STNews presents


The Road To Election Day.

Here, from our New York World News Headquarters in New Jersey, is chief meteorologist, and senior fellow at Fellows and Gals University Dan Rather Center for Fictional Journalism: Connie Chung.


CC: Good afternoon. The election is just eight days away, and our new Zombie-POW poll shows a statistical dead heat. George Bush has 49% and John Kerry comes in at 48%. Ralph Nader at 1%..
Undecided voters, just like in the 2000 election, are critical.
My partner on these programs, and the man who played the President in the movie “Independence Day” has three undecided voters with him right now.
Bill.



BP: Thank you Connie. I’m here with three undecided voters. An African American single mom who is worried about terrorism, Mrs. Louise Johnson


LJ: Hello there.



BP: A Viet Nam vet, Larry Chowder.


LC: Hi.



BP: And a Nader voter from 2000, Herman Stupidass.


HS: Uhh, what?



BP: Welcome to you all. When the debates were held you all got together and watched them. All of you thought Kerry won the debates.


LJ: Yes. I thought he was more informed on the important issues.


LC:: As a veteran I respect his service to our country, and he seemed more presidential.


HS: I really like Clinton.



BP: Why are you still undecided?


LJ: I just can’t make up my mind. If terrorists attacked my child’s school, which one of these men, Bush or Kerry, would help the children? I just don’t know.


LC: When Sadaam Hussein attacked the pentagon with weapons of mass destruction, it was Bush who found the weapons and attacked Sadaam, not Kerry.


HS: Terrorists are cool, with their masks and shit.



BP You are an idiot. You all are really stupid, but you, sir, are a moron.


LJ: Thank you.



BP: I wasn’t talking to you, single mom.


LJ: I know that.



BP: Alright. The election is a week away.


HS: It is? Wow, cool.



BP: With the election a week away, the clock is ticking. Have any of you made up your mind?


LJ: I didn’t realize it was so soon.


LC: Yeah, me neither. What day is the election?



BP: November 2nd. A week from tomorrow.


LC: Wow! I hope I can vote. I have a bowling tournament that day.


HS: Nader.



BP: You’ve made up you mind, and your voting for Nader again this year?


HS: What?



BP: You said Nader. Your voting for Nader?


HS: Whatever.



BP: Mrs. Johnson, have you made up your mind?


LJ: If terrorists attacked my child’s school which President would help the children, Walker Texas President or John Kennedy, I can’t make up my mind.



BP: Mister Chowder?


LC: He was on a swift boat and won medals, but some say he turned his boat around, and other say… other things. I just don’t know.



BP: Stupidass?


HS: Power to the Ralph People, dude.



BP: Idiots Connie. All of them idiots. Were doomed.


CC: Bill, if all of them are really that stupid, might that be an advantage for the President?



BP: Kerry’s no prize either, Connie.


CC: Good point.
Stay with us tomorrow for “1 on 1” and next week for exclusive coverage of the 2004 election. I’m Connie Chung. Be seeing you.

ST IS!