Silly Thinking

STNews presents


Inside The Papal Election:


An STSpecial Report”

Here, from Vatican City, is Connie Chung.



CC: Good morning. Joining me to discuss the election of Pope Benedict XVI are two men who are part of the College of Cardinals. First, Cardinal Fransisco Javier Errazurtz Ossa, the Archbishop of Santiago Chile.


CFJEO: Thank you Connie Chung, American Newswoman.



CC: Thank you Cardinal Archbishop of Santiago Chili Fransisco Errazurtz Ossa. And second is British Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, the Archbishop of Westminster, England.


CCMO: Top O’ the mornin’ to you Miss Chung.



CC: Top O’ The mornin’ to you Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster Cormac Murphy-O’Connor. Cardinal Archbishop Murphy-O’Connor let me start with you. It looked to us on the outside of the Papal Enclave that this election happened very quickly. What happened inside the College of Cardinals?


CCMO: Well Miss Chung I’ll tell you. Cardinal Ratzinger had this sewed up before we got our bonnets on. He was the man, did you see the way he took over the funeral?



CC: He did read the homilies.


CCMO: And arranged the place settings, and made the calls, and arranged the speakers. He was in charge and you just knew he was the new Pope.



CC: Cardinal Archbishop Francisco Javier Errazuriz Ossa is that true? We heard that political maneuvering was not what the Cardinals were here for, that you would listen to God to help you decide.


CFJEO: Well, Newswoman Chung. We did listen to God, as interpreted by Ratzinger and he commanded us to vote for Ratzinger.



CC: The new Pope said God was speaking threw him and commanded you to vote for him, Ratzinger?


CFJEO: It was decided before the cars pulled into the Vatican.


CCMO: Yeah some of us had other candidates but changed our minds when we saw that God picked the German guy.



CC: So why did it take two days and not one if it was a done deal. If God said the fix was in?


CFJEO: Ha ha. Newswoman Chung. Cardinal Ratzinger said God told us to go threw the motions of looking like we made a decision, but he stuffed the ballot boxes and told us it didn’t make any difference what we did or said that God elected him Pope.



CC: Boys this is an amazing story. The Papal election was fixed to elect an arch conservative former Nazi. I mean things like that just don’t happen…



hey wait a minute!


CCMO: Yeah Miss Chung, you in America should know what the hell were talking about here.


CFJEO: Yeah if anyone knows it would be the Americans.



CC: Oh my goodness.


CCMO: I’ll take the ‘oh my’ Connie. But goodness had nothing to do with it.



CC: Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in the finale from “Rosemary’s Baby”?


CFJEO: I love that movie!


CCMO: Me too, Bloomin' Polanski’s a genius.



CC: I should have never ate that Chocolate Mousse.


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