It's almost 6:00 and I've already been at work for almost an hour. Why? Because for the past few nights, D- has decided that she needs only a little cat nap around 8pm and then can stay up until 2:00am, 3:00am and 4:00am successively.

Whoo hoo.

And it's not like she's not obviously tired. But she is literally fighting sleep away. We've tried everything to get her to just relax but nothing has worked. And poor E- is at his wits end. Combine D-s not wanting to take a bottle this week with preferring me rocking/holding her at night and he's doubting his parenting. Even though he knows that he's a wonderful father and that it's nothing he is or isn't doing, the situation is taking it's toll.

Meanwhile, I've barely slept for the past several nights with last night being the worst (I think I got about 45 minutes around 10:30). Because E- isn't working right now, he's the one that stays up with D at night. However, it's a small apartment and I'm a mom. Which means if she's crying, I'm awake no matter what. And since D is preferring me right now and wanting to nurse constantly anyway...

Ugh.

Couple that with the issues I'm having about D starting daycare next week and you can imagine how fun I've been. I know the center is outstanding and that it will be a wonderful experience for her. I know that we cannot make it on E's salary alone. I know that she'll be 3 minutes from my job and I can go see her and nurse her whenever I want. I know that I will eventually be alright with the situation. But right now, I feel that I'm neglecting D by putting her in daycare; that I'm allowing "strangers" to raise my daughter.

*sigh*

But on a positive note: D laughed for the first time on monday. It was actually more of giggle/shriek but it was the sweetest sound I've ever heard. And I've been endlessly trying to make her do it since. I've been fairly successful but I can't wait for the full belly laugh.

And last night, in the midst of all the stress of being tired and with bipolar baby (literally a scream turned into happy cooing several times; so odd) D rolled over for the first time (from her back to her front). We knew it was a matter of time as she's been swinging her legs back and forth a lot lately and turning onto her side a bit. But she flipped all the way over. And was so damn proud of herself! She then had to tell me what she did to make sure I understood how important it was (eh...so I'm pretending that's what the happy babbeling was. Sue me)

Ah the joys of parenthood!