This is just not a happy day.

Recently, my sister and I were talking and she remarked that she just didn't understand how friends of hers and I were able to be have a family and work full time. She sounded vaguely in awe (or maybe that's just what I heard). Wanna know how it's possible?

It isn't.

Well, technically I have a family and a full time job. But nothing in my life gets all of me at any point in time. I'm always thinking of things I should be doing; if I'm at work, I'm thinking about my daughter and husband, if I'm at home, I'm thinking of all the things that need to be done at work. I never feel that I'm connected enough to family or friends. I feel time pressure and guilt like never before.

I hate not being able to be with Dylan during the day. She's going to bed earlier and earlier so that on weekdays, I get to have only about 2 hours with her; and most of that is her nursing or getting a bath. And because I am up around 5am, I get so tired at night that I barely see Eric before I need to go to bed. On weekends, if we're doing errands or chores, I feel guilty for not seeing my family or friends. And if I see family and friends, I feel panicky cause the other stuff that needs to get done isn't.

I realize most of this is probably due to major hormone fluctations and the fact that I haven't gotten quality sleep in weeks (thankfully, Eric's sleep clinic appointment is next week. whoo hoo!). I know (I hope!) that this will get better/easier.

Right now, it sucks. A lot.