It's been awhile. I've been meaning to blog on a number of things but time just sort of keeps moving forward in that facist linear way and then it seems sorta pointless to back track. But then someone emails or calls or posts saying, "so what the hell is up with ___" and I realize that just becuase time moved on, that doesn't mean that any of us were really ready for it to.

Forgive my tone. I think that would be today's depression seeping through.

A few weeks ago, I finally gave in and called it that. I can't fall asleep or stay asleep. When I wake up, I realize I'm dreading the day and counting down the time until I can go back to bed. I try to pick fights with Eric. I've pulled away from people because there's only so many times I can hear myself say the same crap.

Health wise, however, I think I'm improving. My eating habits and need for sunshine have brought me down weightwise to lower than when I found out I was pregnant. Yay!

Don't get me wrong. There are still plenty of happy moments here and there. Quite a bit of them envolving Dylan. I'm getting such a kick out of being home with her and watching her grow by leaps and bounds. She started to really crawl a few days ago and now her favorite game is "Catch the Kitty." Needless to say, our cats are less than amused. But Savage has been infintely patient and lets her "pet" him (until the ear pulling gets too intense). Myshkin, on the other hand, just likes to taunt her. He gets just close enough that she thinks she can get him and then he runs away. Mind you, they still both outweigh her so I doubt they have any real fear. :^)

I also am digging taking her on long walks. I'm really noticing my fitness level increasing as what was a long distance for me when she was born (and I started walking with her) is now quite short. Yay! I'm not where I'd like to be by any stretch but I'm getting closer. And watching the numbers on the scale go down is a very happy motivator.

Ugh.

I guess what I'm saying is that as long as I'm distracted and/or occupied, my personal home theater can't start up the horrid movies. It's those moments late at night and first thing iin the morning when I still feel so very raw about what happened. I go over and over everything that I'm worried about in addition to that final meeting. And add in the fact that my dad currently having back surgery and I'm a bit emotional. But that could also still be blamed on hormones. Yeah...

Thank you all for reading to this point. Hopefully, it won't be so long till I post again and that will have some happy news!