Welcome to the slightly revamped Helena Handbasket.

I finally got up the gumption to figure out a way to know who’s reading so I decided to experiment with having public entries. I’ll still use the private option for some things, and – this is important, now – I do still want to maintain some level of anonymity so please check with me before linking to this site or otherwise referencing it. And for goodness sakes, call me Helena!

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So you all missed a great weekend.

It was the first weekend of the new schedule and it was strange not having the two big kids around, but I just keep telling myself that next weekend they’ll be around the whole time and suddenly I feel OK.

There was, of course, the usual sort of weekend lounging around, which was even more lounge-y than usual because I was saving my energy for Important Things:

Saturday night was the cheesy variety show, which was a lot of fun. We ended up doing a song called “Runaway”, by The Corrs. He played guitar and I played violin and we both sang. And I don’t mind saying that we were pretty awesome.

And he’s getting a lot of mileage out of it, let me tell you. Really and truly, that’s all it takes. I think that deep down (OK, maybe not all that deep down), all I’ve ever wanted was someone to sing with. So, yay for me.

Also (a minor point but what the hell is this thing for if not tooting my own horn and complaining about trivial slights from over a year ago that even at the time were perceived my nobody but me) I am feeling vindicated because I know we were good and I know that the jerks who haven’t given me very interesting parts are wondering why not. One of the jerks even told me (among other things) that I looked gorgeous.

So there.

It’s hard sometimes, living in the shadow of The Man, but I’d really like to think that I held my own the other night and that somebody noticed. Is that so much to ask?

But immature whining aside, the main thing is that I had a great time singing and playing with my man. I am wondering how it is that we managed to not do it before now, but that’s a whole other thing.

Then last night I had an orchestra concert. I am really proud of how well we did. Even I managed not to royally screw things up. I was really in the zone. I honestly don’t know where it came from so I figure I must have been channeling the spirit of a much more talented violinist. Or the quiet, low-stress day capped off by a good back elbowing helped me to relax enough to be able to play well.

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If you ever really want to have a good time, you should take a toddler to a park. Yesterday we went to a nearby nature preserve where they have a really cool nature center building with a room for birdwatching and reading – we saw two different kinds of woodpeckers, nuthatches, American goldfinches, redwing blackbirds, cardinals, blue jays and lots of other birds I couldn’t identify (but I was proud of myself that I could identify that many). The Baby had a good time trying to figure out how to use the binoculars and looking at the birds and the water and the books. Then we ventured outside and let her lead the way and we just followed along to make sure she didn’t walk into the pond or anything. It was great fun to watch her experiencing things, every so often reaching up for one of our hands when she needed reassurance or help getting up a hill. I look at her sometimes and wonder how it is that there was ever a time when she wasn’t here. Yesterday was one of those days.

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You can tell it’s spring because apart from spending every possible moment outside, I busted out my Tevas over the weekend. I don’t know when I have ever been so happy to put on a pair of shoes. I’m sorry Birkenstocks, but I think I’ve moved on to Tevas. We had a great run*, you and I, but in the end I just couldn’t take the slime when you got wet. It was bound to come between us sooner or later, but don’t worry – you’ll always have a place in my heart (and on my feet when the weather is dry).

*Get it? Run? Because they’re shoes? Oh, I am cracking myself up.

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Last week I had a couple of nights of very poor quality sleep and really stressful dreams. I do that a lot, actually. I’m sleeping (sort of) but I’m not really resting because my brain is so busy concocting extremely stressful situations that I have to find a way out of, either by solving the problem or by waking up. Sometimes I can control my dreams well enough to say to myself that I don’t like the dream and “change the channel”, but as soon as I let my guard down, my brain changes the channel right back. So then I end up feeling like I spent all night trying to solve the same problem over and over, and of course there is rarely any possible resolution so even if I stick with it and try to solve the problem, I am so tense while doing it that my body isn’t really resting.

Here is a prime example from last week:

I am on a street corner talking to The Man and a friend of ours, when I suddenly remember something I have to do. So I start off down the street, but then suddenly I have to get back to The Man and the friend for something really urgent. They are about to have to leave without me and I can’t let that happen. They are calling to me and waving to tell me to hurry and I am trying to get to them but suddenly I am in a wheelchair, moving in slow motion, and the only way to make the wheelchair move is by rocking my body and getting it to bounce, but it only bounces in slow motion and I can only get it to go a few feet forward and then a few feet backwards so I am not really getting anywhere even though I am expending all kids of energy. I could use my hands to move the wheelchair but I am trying to eat a burrito and I’m almost done with it but I’m getting kind of full so I don’t know if I should just throw it away, or finish eating it really fast so I can roll the wheelchair, or save it for later because I hate to be wasteful, especially since it’s a really good burrito.

It was at that point that I shook myself awake because it was just getting too ridiculous, even for me. I do enjoy a bit of the surreal now and again, but - come the fuck on now – that burrito was just too much.



Reading:
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I've only just started it and I cannot state emphatically enough that don't want to know a thing about it, so even though I am the last person on the planet to get around to reading it, please try to keep your pie holes shut until I finish.

Hearing:
The wind.

Needing:
Food, probably. But I'm saving myself for a dinner date. After talking about that dream, I'm hoping my date will agree to going out for a burrito.

In My Car CD Player:
Nothing. I finished Boogaloo on 2nd Avenue this morning on my way to work and I wanted to let it sink in before I start another book so I left the CD player empty for the rest of the drive. I'll probably start a new book on my way home tonight. Not sure which one though. I have several checked out right now, so I'll just have to see what kind of mood I'm in later.