1) first grade teacher:
Didn’t have one. I skipped first grade. Because I am just that nerdy.

2) last word you said:
Bye

3) last song you sang:
“Our House”, the CSNY one, not the Madness one. Although our house is in fact in the middle of our street, the CSNY one was on the radio this morning. Just part of it really. They were interviewing an author who wrote a book about Laurel Canyon in the 60s and all the crazy musicians who hung out there. I now know that Frank Zappa despised drugs and alcohol (Go figure. He was like that all by himself.) and that “Our House” was written for Joni Mitchell, who in fact did put flowers in a vase while he lit a fire. An hour later, a song was born.

4) last person you hugged:
The Baby, when I dropped her off at the sitter’s.

5) last person you kissed:
Ditto.

6) last time you said 'i love you':
This morning in the car. I was talking to The Man on the phone.

7) last time you cried:
This morning in the car. I was bitchy to The Man and then felt bad about it.

8) what's in your cd player:
The Corrs - Forgiven, Not Forgotten. I really need to get some new CDs in my car.

9) what color socks are you wearing:
None. My feet are naked under my sandals.

10) what's under your bed:
Dust bunnies and an old pillow that got shoved under there.

11) what time did you wake up today:
7:00

12) current close friend(s):
Too many. You know who you all are. I don’t need to stroke your egos here.

13) current hair:
Long and curly, pulled back into a low pony tail. Trademark wispy curls hanging out.

14) current clothes:
Jeans and a brown t-shirt. I’m alone in the office today so I didn’t get dressed up.

15) current annoyance:
Money. And the fact that last month, all three of the doctors in my office had twice the income they usually do, which pretty much means twice the work for me – but I make the same no matter how hard I work and can barely get by.

16) current longing:
More money. Just so we have enough to pay our bills and maybe afford a few extras – I don’t ask for much.

17) current desktop picture:
Work computer – a picture of The Baby that The Man took at the Hessler Street Fair. She’s ultra cute.

Laptop – a picture of The Man standing at the base of the big Buddha in Hong Kong. He hates it, but I love it. It’s my favorite man in my favorite place. There’s a beautiful view of the South China Sea in the background. Love it.

18) current worry:
Money. Also, keeping my sanity at work.

19) current hate:
My neighbor.

20) story behind your username:
It’s my alter ego, invented by The Man and me. Helena Handbasket is a superhero with a giant magical purse. You reach in and find whatever you happen to need. She dresses how you might picture a librarian from the 50s and always wears a Very Stylish Hat.

21) current favorite article of clothing:
My ducky pajamas, a gift from The Boy last Christmas.

22) favorite physical feature of the opposite sex:
Hair, eyes and hair. Oh yes, and hair.

23) last cd that you bought:
I really can’t remember. Who buys CDs anymore?

24) least favorite place:
The center of the Earth. All that heat and pressure. After that, maybe waiting in line.

25) time you wake up in the morning:
Around 7:00. Now that the kids are back in school, I should get up earlier, but last week I was sick and this week I had a concussion. I know – excuses, excuses.

26) do you play an instrument?:
Violin, kazoo, slide whistle.

27) favorite color:
Purple. Specifically, the purple of the sky just before it gets dark.

28) do you believe in an afterlife:
Some days yes, some days no. Most of the time I’m not really worried about it. I figure I won’t know for sure until I get there so in the meantime I’ll strive to be a good person and the rest will take care of itself.

29) how tall are you:
5' 5 ½”

30) current favorite word/saying:
That I use? “FUCK!”
That I hear? “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of that”

31) favorite book:
I can’t choose only one. Here are two instead:
Prodigal Summer, by Barbara Kingsolver
Still Life With Woodpecker, by Tom Robbins

32) favorite season:
Summer

33) one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to:
Hilary

34) favorite day:
It used to be Tuesday. Now I think Saturday.

35) where do you want to go:
Hong Kong and Nanchang

36) what is your career going to be like:
I wish I knew.

37) how many kids do you want?
Three.

38) what kind of car will you have?:
When? Some of these things are so obviously geared toward teens on myspace. I have a Civic. Hopefully my next car won’t be for a looooooooong time. When I do have to get one, I want a hybrid. Or whatever new fuel-efficient technology is available by that time. What about a car that runs on peanut butter? Or mosquitoes? Scientists, you can thank me for the idea later. Just get cracking.

39) type a line you remember from any book:
Goodnight nobody.
Goodnight mush.

40) a random lyric:
It’s smarter to be lucky than it’s lucky to be smart.

*specifics*

1. do you/have you done drugs?
Have done. Mostly in places where it was legal, because I am a fine upstanding citizen.

2. what kind of shampoo do you use?:
Suave.

3. what are you most scared of?
Losing someone I love.

4. what are you listening to right now?
Sting, Nothing Like the Sun

5. who is the last person that called you?
A client who needed to confirm her appointment.

6. where do you want to get married?
Next time, it will be on the moon.

7. how many buddies are online right now?:
None. Poor me.

8. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
Physical – my stomach could stand to be smaller
Otherwise – I need to learn to say no to other people and take better care of myself

*favorites*

1. color:
Purple – didn’t we already cover this?

2. pasta:
Cavatelli

3. boys names:
To name my kids? Or that I’ve dated? Either way, I can’t answer this one.

4. girls names:
See # 3.

5. subjects in school:
Orchestra, Anthropology, Geology

6. animals:
Coyote
Bear
Loon

7. sports:
Baseball
Arena football – it’s hilarious
Is karaoke a sport? If so, then we’ll include that too.

*have you ever*

1. given anyone a bath?
Yes

2. smoked?
Never, ever. I tried one hit off a clove cigarette on two occasions, fifteen years apart. That’s it.

3. bungee jumped?
No sirree, Bob.

4. made yourself throw up?
Only once, and that was quite recently. I was proud of myself because I didn’t think I had the abililty to do it, but there were things in there that needed to not be there anymore.

5. skinny dipping?
Not for a long time.

6. ever been in love?
Big time.

7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?
I cried to get out of a ticket. Evidently that works for every woman on the planet except me.

8. pictured your crush naked?
Practically all the time. It’s a problem.

9. actually seen your crush naked?
I’d have to say yes.

10. cried when someone died?
Until there was no water left anywhere in my body. And then I kept going.

11. lied?
White lies can be handy sometimes, if only for the sake of diplomacy. Generally I tend to be honest.

12. fallen for your best friend?
Yes, it was awful. I learned the hard way that you can’t un-gay someone, no matter how much you try.

13. been rejected?
Plenty. I’m probably being rejected by someone right now, I just don’t realize it.

14. rejected someone?
Hopefully gently, but yes.

15. used someone?
Not really. My motives are usually right up front.

16. done something you regret?
Shit, yes.

What a sad way to end this – with regret. All that effort and that’s how they end it? Why not throw another one on the end to give it a snazzy ending?

Like this:

TA-DA!