We don’t get many people in our office who are actually crazy. Most of them just need some common sense smacked into them. Some suffer from depression or PTSD. That’s about it.

I had a conversation with a client just now in which I was told she is experiencing an emergency that requires the doctor’s immediate intervention because:


a) She is being held in the hospital against her will.

b) It’s the end of the world and soon there will be nobody left but the good people who believe in God and the animals. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did and now there is nothing left to do but stockpile food and water.

c) It’s raining.


Where do I start with this?

First of all, if the end of the world does in fact come in the near future, I know whose fault it is. Not that it will help us at that point, but still, it’s good to know.*

Second of all, how do you tell someone that if she believes that she has caused the end of the world and if she also believes that the fact that it is raining is an emergency equal to the end of the world – she probably needs to be in the hospital, held against her will or no.

Third of all, I am a bad person. Through the entire conversation, I was wavering between irritation, laughter and empathy. I know I should have been saying “there, there” and trying to make her feel like we could do something to help her. But I was so completely amazed, I couldn’t decide whether I thought the whole thing was amusing or sad. I am truly a terrible person.

Fourth, she called again as I was writing this and said she’s perfectly normal - she just needs my boss to call the rescue squad to get her out of there so she can stockpile food and water. She apologized for waking up 100 years too late.

I can’t decide if I need a new job or if I should be thanking my lucky stars for the one I have.



*Upon further consideration, this seems like a movie plot. Maybe not a good movie plot, but picture this: In a World…where the end is coming, a secret has been revealed. The only one who can stop it…is an unassuming office manager with a mission. She has no choice but to break into the mental hospital and kill the one who would end it all. But will she be able to save the world and be home in time for dinner?


Reading:
Not enough news, apparently.

Hearing:
The phone ringing.

Needing:
Yoga class soon.

In My Car CD Player:
Nothing.