Now I don’t want to curse myself by saying this too loudly, but…

This is the first work day I have had in MONTHS when I can see the top of my desk, most (if not all) pressing matters are under some semblance of control and I do not feel like I am running a marathon just to keep up and finish the day with the same insurmountable amount of work sitting on my desk as I had in the morning.

Those of you who have seen me chatting lately probably don’t believe that I have really been working for a living – and working very very hard.

This whole business of having two full-time docs (as opposed to one) has made things really crazy around here for me. And I think I mentioned before that I don’t think it’s fair that they have both made twice their usual income recently (meaning I have done twice as much work too – and if you want to be technical about it, really three-four times as much, since I used to have one full time doc and one extremely part time) and yet I am barely scraping by.

I can’t even tell you how many times in the last few months I have almost walked out. I have come closer than I would like to admit, even to myself.

But here I am, and today it is good. I am working at a normal human pace and I am not totally overwhelmed.

Hopefully this will keep up, because I am pretty sure it will make me much more pleasant to be around, once the shell shock has a chance to wear off. But you’ll have to ask The Man about that.

Other than that HUGE relief, I have also just come from a great yoga class. My teacher recently returned from spending 5 weeks in India, studying with Mr. Iyengar himself as well as his family. They don’t take just anybody, so it was really a big deal that she was accepted to go. A few weeks after her return I am still amazed by the fact that her teaching is coming right from The Big Guy Himself. It is probably the closest I will ever be to him and I don’t know if I can put into words how touched I am by the experience. She learned a few new tricks and subtle though they may be, they have opened up a whole new world for me.

On the other hand, if I may get a little personal for a moment, I am struggling with whether it is a problem that I cannot seem to get enough lately. I am a serious horn dog. This kind of desire is really not compatible with the peace of mind I want to cultivate. One of the parts of Buddhism’s* eight fold path is “right action” – meaning, among other things, avoiding sexual misconduct. That is fairly open to interpretation, which is fine – that’s part of Buddhism’s charm. But my situation is so distracting that I think I must be violating something. I’m just not sure what. I had trouble with my meditation at the end of class today because I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. To me, that’s almost like doing it in church. Just a big no-no. Is it misconduct if I am still going about my business, not acting on every little impulse? I mean, I can still maintain a daily routine and I haven’t grabbed a stranger on the sidewalk yet. I don’t know what the solution is, other than locking myself and my man in the bedroom for about 24 hours until I get it out of my system. So, if you don’t hear from us for a while…

* Not that I call myself a Buddhist, I just like the way they think.


Reading:
Cub Scout books, in preparartion for tonight's meeting.

Hearing:
Persian hammered dulcimer music, courtesy of Magnatune

Needing:
I think we pretty much covered that.

In My Car CD Player:
Nothing. I've been on a radio kick lately. Mostly because I have to go to the library and get some new books to listen to.