Sometimes photographs can be full of trickery. Mine aren't. My smiles are real. The events are real. But taken out of context, there are elements of unintended trickery.


*****


I've lived with solitude many years of my life. I don't think any child growing up says, "When I grow up I want to live alone." I certainly didn't.

I've written about this before, kinda-sorta. I'm reflective today. My life experiences have tightened to a pinpoint. I can write about my illness or my children. *sigh*

I joke that I've become that dreadful person who yammers on and on about aches and pains... the aunts and uncles and grandparents we all ran and hid from. I've become one of those, though I do most the yammering with myself. I live alone and I'm even sick-to-death of thinking about my illness. The donkey-nose cherry on this sundae is my concerns that my 15 year old first hip replacement might be giving out. Perfect. I'm hoping it's just the snap of winter *playing* with my joints.

I write about my children because I miss them something fierce. I miss my grandchildren, too. I miss heartbeats other than just my own.

So today I write about my children... again. They are my solitary joy.


*****


Chase & Rachel had a good childhood, steeped in traditions and a life wrapped in a bubble of post mid-century goodness and extreme love.

David had a great childhood garnished with struggle, inventiveness, and extreme love.

Their childhoods couldn't have been more different, yet all three are quite magnificent!

My career of choice was mothering. I loved my career. I was a fulltime mother for all three of my children except when necessity required I get jobs.

As a single parent to David, I often juggled four jobs because I was the sole support of our tiny, wonderful life. I call those years the inventive years. It was during these years the Christmas Lamp was created because of budgetary concerns. Like most inventive traditions, this beloved one has prevailed as a choice.







*****


As I organize my journals and photographs, I'm reminded of the truly wonderful life I've had.

The Laguna Beach Halloween photos transported me to a tiny slice of fun. Anyone who knew me then could still vouch ... I rarely had a date - maybe 2 or 3 in all my years. I wasn't dating material. Yup - I beautiful, but I was also a single mother, one paycheck from the streets. (Okay, I exaggerate a bit, but only a bit.)

I had lots of friends, though. The guys loved me! Not only was I pretty, I was smart and funny. I wasn't the stiletto heels type. I wasn't into wearing a bustier. I cut my own hair. A surgeon's scalpel to youthify my flesh wasn't in my equation of thoughts. I was Annie Hall reincarnate with a tatty wardrobe of men's clothing purchased at the local thrift shop. I was the antithesis of any Beach Boy's song. I was a wing-woman before there were wingmen. I was completely empowered by an insanely strong sense of self. I had to be. I had no choice. I was everyone's best pal. Yet, never dated. That's been true most my life. I've flown solo.

So when my friend, Bobby, saw my Halloween photos on Facebook and commented, "Check U out chica!," I smiled. I smiled because the woman in those photos was just a hard working single mom with a rare night out having fun. It's important to remember that life, despite the heartaches and hardships, also had carefree moments with unfiltered smiles and laughter.


*****


Below are some photos of my children whom I adore. They are quite remarkable. All three are happy - all three have made good choices.

I reach to touch their contrails... and soar.



*****






Chase! He's my eldest and the one who has chosen to carry the family name in the family business of making paint - as he calls it. When I married into this family 45 years or so ago, Tnemec was a significant company, but since then has expanded to vast reaches around the globe with production and sales.

Chase is kind and thoughtful and smart and very, very funny - and far more humble than this mother who is bragging about him. He.Will.Kill.Me. (Kill might be too strong.)







Tnemec Corporate Offices in Kansas City, MO





Chase was recently in Dubai. I presume this is where the photo was taken. I also presume it was for a convention of sorts.


*****


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My beautiful daughter, Rachel, with Abby.

Rachel is also very smart and a fabulous artist and accomplished marathoner and Super-Mom juggling an additional career at Nike's corporate offices. She amazes me. She is h-y-s-t-e-r-i-c-a-l! Her wit is lightening quick. She, too, is far more humble than this mother who is bragging about her. She.Will.Kill.Me. (Kill might be too strong.)






Rachel on the run!





Rachel & David at his graduation from Washington & Lee School of Law.





David and Olivia. A dynamic duo if there ever was one!

David is all of the same as I've mentioned about his brother & sister. Amazing! I don't write much about him anymore ever since the Army asked, "What's Reenie's Reach?"






I soar.