I've been consumed with thoughts about why I now feel like there is some timer on me to do...something and do it quick.

I've realized what part of it is coming from.

I have this new friend, the one I'm helping with learning to drive. We seem to get along pretty well, and I'm amazed at some of our similarities. It feels like I've known this person far longer than I actually have, and I've never felt that before. That part is all good.

But I know this person is only in the US temporarily on a work visa.

So, probably sometime in the next year or two, they will leave for somewhere else, and I'm faced with the real chance that I wont see them again.

The depressive part of me has already jumped to the sadness of that fact, the anxious part of me wants to make the most of our friendship while I can and wants to be all clingy, possesive and controlling, and rational part of me is just very confused while trying to just enjoy the present.

How messed up is that?

Plus I have a rather life-changing event coming up in about three days that I can't even get the nerve to journal here, in private. Let's just say it will end my life as I live it right now just about entirely.

That might have something to do with my mood as well.