Old and tired
Mood:
aged
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I'm feeling kinda empty today, for a few reasons:
1)I'm surrounded by people who are either much younger than me, going out and enjoying their lives like they should, and people who are my age with kids, and I feel like I fit in neither group.
I'm not comfortable with either group, not being the social type myself, and not really feeling prepared for the "family" life of raising children.
I had a nice talk today with a friend who's a father of two, and he told me about really not bonding immediately with either of his children. He said he loves them both, but it wasn't as if on birth suddenly he was all ga-ga about them. He said that as they grew with him, he found a connection that grew too. And he said sometimes you're gonna hate them, when they wake up every hour of the night and wake you up too for over a week.
It was refreshing and comforting to here this, not only for the view, but also for the honesty. I've heard a lot from some people about how wonderful it is, and frankly, nothing's a good as some people have sold it to me. So when he said, this is what happened to me, and it's OK, I felt a little relief.
I'm too old and too socially maladjusted to fit with the younger group, and now I've got a wife and future child to get to anyway, so I've got to adjust to my future life.
2)Also, my friend who I've been trying to help in driving practice, failed her second test, pretty much due to nerves, and not bad driving. After being anxious and waiting almost 2 hours before starting the test, a minor error failed them. I'm sad because I'm afraid this will affect their self-confidence and put even more pressure on them in the future. Just makes me sad, because I want to help so badly, and can't.
3)I'm fatigued, leftovers from the kidney stone, which is making me feel like I'm 70. Well, to be honest, I almost always feel old. Not really physically usually, like now, but just emotionally and mentally. I think I grew up too fast, and just feel like I have premature aging disease of the soul. I feel like it's been a while since feeling good; maybe since changing departments to get away from my backstabing former bosses.
Like I said, feeling a bit empty.
1)I'm surrounded by people who are either much younger than me, going out and enjoying their lives like they should, and people who are my age with kids, and I feel like I fit in neither group.
I'm not comfortable with either group, not being the social type myself, and not really feeling prepared for the "family" life of raising children.
I had a nice talk today with a friend who's a father of two, and he told me about really not bonding immediately with either of his children. He said he loves them both, but it wasn't as if on birth suddenly he was all ga-ga about them. He said that as they grew with him, he found a connection that grew too. And he said sometimes you're gonna hate them, when they wake up every hour of the night and wake you up too for over a week.
It was refreshing and comforting to here this, not only for the view, but also for the honesty. I've heard a lot from some people about how wonderful it is, and frankly, nothing's a good as some people have sold it to me. So when he said, this is what happened to me, and it's OK, I felt a little relief.
I'm too old and too socially maladjusted to fit with the younger group, and now I've got a wife and future child to get to anyway, so I've got to adjust to my future life.
2)Also, my friend who I've been trying to help in driving practice, failed her second test, pretty much due to nerves, and not bad driving. After being anxious and waiting almost 2 hours before starting the test, a minor error failed them. I'm sad because I'm afraid this will affect their self-confidence and put even more pressure on them in the future. Just makes me sad, because I want to help so badly, and can't.
3)I'm fatigued, leftovers from the kidney stone, which is making me feel like I'm 70. Well, to be honest, I almost always feel old. Not really physically usually, like now, but just emotionally and mentally. I think I grew up too fast, and just feel like I have premature aging disease of the soul. I feel like it's been a while since feeling good; maybe since changing departments to get away from my backstabing former bosses.
Like I said, feeling a bit empty.
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