I keep going through these phases where I think I'm together enough to stop a few addictions in my life, just long enough to crash headfirst with all of them.

I think, "This time, I will be better."

Within the same day, I'm flying off the handle and spiraling downward, sucked into the undertow of mental anguish.

It's amazing how fast I decay.

It's more amazing each time I think the results will be different.

I'll come down like a house of cards again, and retreat back to the old, safe addictions. Anything to get through the day, right?

And I'll gain that false sense of security again. Give it 6 months or so, maybe a bit longer. Then I'll start the cycle over.

It'll be different. I'll be better.