Well, I wasn't going to post this again, but it's been pointed out to me by one of my readers that it's become a sort of tradition. Here it is:


Happy Friday the 13th! May it be a horribly unlucky day for each and every one of you superstitious morons. I, on the other hand, will walk home tonight. Three black cats will cross my path. I'll walk under any ladder I see. If I could afford to replace it, hell, I'd even smash a mirror. And you know what? Nothing bad is going to happen to me, or if it does, it sure as shit has nothing to do with any of the aforementioned activities.

Now, some of these superstitions have worth. Let's face it, it really isn't a good idea to walk under a ladder. If you see a ladder, it usually means that someone is doing work at the top of the ladder. Something could fall on you.

But most superstitions have there roots in religion, be it pagan or otherwise and we all know how I feel about religion in general, right? Right?

Oh really, you don't? Well let me elucidate:
Religion is man's way of providing for two basic human needs; the need to feel immortal and to quell their fear of death, and the need to feel morally superior to his fellow humans. Beyond that, it's of no use whatsoever. Well, that's not true. It does give me something to laugh at.

But back to the subject at hand: A bottle of champagne used to christen a ship is a much better choice than a young boy smashed against the hull. Don't believe me? Look it up. The Vikings wanted to appease the Gods of the Sea. The bubbly goodness of champagne isn't a bad representation then, is it? I wonder how many First Ladys would have partaken of this particular ritual had they know the origins? But then again, Christians are like that.

They won't celebrate Halloween because it has its origins in Pagan ritual. Christmas (Yule) on the other hand . . .

But they still say, "bless you," in order to praise someone for expelling the evil spirits--I never knew that demons looked like snot--and cross themselves for protection. On the other hand, they'll call you evil for throwing salt over your shoulder.

And for all you mealy-mouthed Christians out there, do me a favor and just shut the fuck up for a change. I don't want to hear about, "Well, those are the fundamentalists! I'm a Christian and I'm not like that!" Guess what, you fucking moron? Christianity is extremism. As Plato so aptly put it, "Monotheism is but empirialism in religion." If you don't want to be associated with the assholes in your religion, then get out of a religion full of assholes. Find one that doesn't turn your stomach and pray to whatever multi-armed charicature of divine wisdom in the form of $14.95 statuettes you wish.

Oh, and ditto the above, simply replace the word "Christian," with "Muslim," or whatever other religion you wish. Same applies.

And if I'm completely wrong, may the Gods strike me dead.

See you tomorrow.

Joseph Haines, signing off from the Edge of The Abyss