Last night I went out with the girls. We went to a hockEy game and we dyed my hair (this is a sentence that is becoming as frequent as we went to Eat N Park.) And as we were driving and jamming out to Avril and Bowling for Soup I realized that all this stuff that clouds up my mind and all the things I worry about for the future and all the things that bring me down about Justin and boys in general, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER!!! That being with my friends and JUST ENJOYING LIFE is what matters! I used to think this, believe this, and I used to live it! But somewhere along the line, it got all muttled up with bullshit that doesn't matter at all! Everything, EVERYTHING, I need will happen in my life according to an inner need. Whenever I am ready, REALLY REALLY READY (not just I wanna be ready or I think I'm ready) it will happen. And until then I need to CALM THE FUCK DOWN, and enjoy life. You know, sniff more flowers, play with my nieces and nephews more, walk in the sunshine, dance in the rain, run just for the hell of it, smile more, and when I smile, I need to FEEL the smile. Not just smile because that is what I am supposed to do, but SMILE with my whole body and soul. I need to laugh more, and laugh until it hurts to breathe. I need to tell the people that I love, that I love them more often. I need to feel the breeze on my face and hear the leaves rustle. These are the things that I NEED. I do not need boys. I do not need a car. I do not need new clothes, more chocolate (well maybe chocholate), more CDs. I need to enjoy life! I have forgotten what and why I have always enjoyed life. I have forgotten that I do love life. And I have forgotten how to love myself. And that may be the most important thing. Hey, I mean I am stuck with me for the rest of my life, there is no one I will spend more time with than me. I need to love myself, because after all, who wants to live with someone that they hate?

And thats what I think for today. :-D

*And all of my friends who make this silly crazy journal part of their regular reading, thank you for everything you guys have done for me. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you guys, and I love you with all my heart. I do truly believe that I have the coolest and funnest (awesome grammar) best friends anyone could ever have and I am incredibly lucky.

-kln-


"I've been gone away,
but I'm back again
Back with all my friends
and I've been floating away on a silver cloud
Lined with all of my wildest dreams.
I've been thinking of the days
back when we began,
When we made our first stand.
And I get taken away on a silver cloud
made of all of our wildest dreams."