No expectations, No dissappointments.

I don't know why I always feel that I want to go back to the ways things used to be. I don't have specific things to name, just back. To what I am used to, to what I know. Which is ironic because I am always looking forward to the next step in my life. Its illogical to try and want both. Maybe I simply don't know how to be satisfied with where I am. Which is sad, but that is no way to live life. I just seem to be spending a significant amount of time being dissappointed, in myself and in others. I think that dissappointment may be one of the worst feelings. I should take the sound advice of friends and remember: You'll be let down if you don't expect the worst. However, as we all know there is always two sides to every story: If you have no expectations, you'll never have anything to look forward to.

Maybe I except too much out of myself and out of others. But if there is any other way than to always expect the best, I do not know it. I can't imagine not excepting the best from others and demanding the best out of myself. Second place is no shame, but striving for it is. I cannot except less from myself. I will not shame myself by lowering my expectations of myself. But perhaps it is unfair to hold others to my standards. Standards that they do not know about and that exist only in my mind. However, on the other hand, I do not see any benefit to them or myself by lowering expectations. I think that would only hurt both of us.

Maybe it doesn't matter. Thinking and analysising everything will not change the past. I can only work for my future and live in the present. Everything that has happened in my life has happened according to an inner need. Good and bad. To look at it any other way would make everything in vain. And I refuse that path.

-kln-

With every change I know nothing will ever be the same.