I am restless. So many things going on and yet nothing. I feel like a dog chasing its tail (that one's for you Ally, and this time I'm not talking about licking my nipple). Like I am going no where fast. I don't know what my irritation is from. There is nothing namable wrong. Aside from my nightmares coming back. Which only makes me feel like a young child crying about the monster under the bed. But these are not typical bad dreams. They are graphic and horrific and personal. But even they fade with the morning fog. So that should have no effect on my disposition. Aside from shattering a Christmas light bulb in my bed after I threw my alarm across the room the other day(I am not a happy waking up person) nothing's been wrong. I am getting all my applications for scholarships and internships in on time. My grades are good. I'm healthy. My migraines haven't been too terrible. So what the hell is my problem that is making me figet and daydream and frustrate faster? I just have the feeling that something SO important is coming up FAST and I am gonna MISS IT! Almost like that panic feeling that you forgot something really important. Only mixed with dissappointment in myself. Maybe I am only anxious for my trip to Washington DC this week. I have all my homework for the whole week done and its only Tuesday. Everything is going great. So why do I feel like this?

I was thinking today if my body could move freely with my imagination and thoughts, I would travel the length and breadth of the world in a single afternoon and return the next day to see if anything had changed. I would drift around the tree tops and past mountain streams, in and out of New York buildings and stop in broadway shows. Pass the pyramids and snow caped Alps into the ocean depths, I would flit in and out of your mind and back home again. I wonder if all the talk about only weak minds being tied to the body. In some cultures it is believed once you reach a state of enlightenment you can leave your body and travel as i described above. There is so much literature on it, this idea had to come from somewhere. It would be hard to invent something so extreme without a basis. Like trying to imagine a color you've never seen. I am sure I could write a book with just questions that I am sure some people somewhere have the answers to. Maybe I should remember the saying, "Curiousity killed that cat." But then again, Linsey has the quote, "Curiousity killed the cat, but the cat died knowing!" Would I make such a sacrafice for knowledge? Would you? To have all of the answers to the questions hidden deep in your heart? Perhaps. But what gain would there be? It is an endless circle with answers bringing questions. Perhaps we were never meant to have such knowledge. Then again, perhaps we have only been waiting for someone with the deterimation and drive to find the answers as more questions come along. I hope that some day I get to find out. Get to die knowing. I guess I answered my own question. Oh, the irony.

-kln-

So look around the world pretty baby, is it everything you hoped it would be?