Flame to Fire is a domestic violence vigil that is in its 5th year running here at my campus. This year it will be held October 11th at 6 p.m. We always put a huge highlight on the surivors who have the courage to come and speak in front of the 100+ people who show up every year --as they well deserve. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to stand up in front of strangers and tell your story. So much good comes from every single word that is spoken from these people. I certainly cannot belittle their courage or the incredible impact they have on al those who hear their words. However, I also want to include the courage of the indivual survivor who speak out against his or her perpetrator, even if it's to one person. The first words, the fears, the emotions, the memories --it is an experience unimaginable. Also, it is important to remeber the person who listens to the survivor. The person who helps the survivor. This takes unprecedented patience, love, compassion, and understanding.

if you have experienced domestic violence and want to speak to someone about it but find it difficult, you are not alone. It is hard to take the first steps. But remember when you were a baby learning to walk. At first you were afraid. You would stand up, change your mind and sit right back down. Sometimes you would try to take a step but stumble and plump down on your butt. It may be like this. You may try and be afraid someone won't believe you. Or you may try and not be able to find the words to say what happened. But rememeber, you did learn to walk. You do have the courage to speak up.

One in four people will experience domestic violence in their lives. Think. How many people are in your family? Could that be someone in your family? How many roommates do you have? Could it be one of them?

If someone comes to you for help, ALWAYS believe them. YOU may be the first person they have told. If they are in a relationship with the abuser, do not become frustrated with the survivor or demand that they leave the abuser. If you do this, you will be doing what the abuser is doing. They may stop coming to you for help. Be patient, loving, and supportive. LISTEN.

There are help hotlines, houses, and websites all over the world. Please have the courage.

-kln-