Self-tagged, via Fat Cyclist

• If you could have any one—and only one—bike in the world, what would it be?
  
  Schwinn DX.
  
  Red.
  
  
• Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?
  
  I do have a dream, I do, I do--but it's a dream bike trailer. A folding trailer, one without a 100-pound weight limit, since my gargantuan three-year-old twins already add up to something like 96, and we moved to Washington Heights so I could tow them to preschool on the Henry Hudson Greenway. I've customized the hell out of a Xootr Swift just so we could get up that *%&$ hill by the Little Red Lighthouse, so getting KO'd by the small print in a trailer manual isn't acceptable.
  
  If by "working toward getting it," you mean "relentlessly scouring every hard-to-reach corner of the Internet for a 150-pound weight limit," I'm the hardest working man in the child-hauling business.
  
  
• If you had to choose one—and only one—bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?
  
  I was going to embed this route, citing this restaurant as the motivation; but as long as we're in fantasy territory, I guess it would be the route I have now, with my boys never growing up, and we could always count the boats on the Hudson, talk about how the tugboat is helping the big boat, yell, "There it is!" at the first appearance of the Little Red Lighthouse, and watch the helicopters take off.
  
  
  
  In this fantasy, it's never above 80°F, and no one ever whines or kicks his brother.
  
  
• Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrowminded?
  
  I ride mostly a folding bike, because if I show up at the office with one that doesn't, they won't let me in. If that weren't a factor, I'd probably tow that lightweight, 200-lb-cargo-limit, frictionless-axle, 300-psi-tire indestructo-trailer behind a mountain bike with slicks, and never quite stop longing for the road bike I sold so I could afford the trailer.
  
  
• Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.
  
  I have not ridden a recumbent. If the MS gets my legs, I'll switch to a recumbent with arm cranks and develop noteworthy delts.
  
  
• Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?
  
  I don't see the point of running and swimming to get to a bike you could have just hopped onto in the first place.
  
  
• Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?
  
  Bicycles don't make you fat and guilty.
  
  Well, maybe guilty, but only when you buy things for them.
  
  Because bicycles like gifts.
  
  
• What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it.
  
  Q: What's the geeky bike modification that's made you the happiest over the years?
  
  A: FUNN Soljam Viper pedals. For commuting in normal-person shoes (and yes, I do include my Gore-Tex hiking boots and Teva running sandals in that category, and no, I do not include myself in the normal-person category), they're perfection. The Stradivarius of MTB pedals, the Tiffany of sticking to your ride. If it were legal to marry pedals, I'd marry them. That's assuming it wasn't already legal to marry software, because I'd already be wedded to Indesign CS3. That's assuming polygamy was legal and my wife didn't mind.
  
  
• You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?
  
  Quickly whip out my Treo, log onto bikeforums, and start a thread called "Bear--what next?"
  
  Now, tag three biking bloggers. List them below.
  
  
  • Larry
    
  • I don't think I know two more. Who's volunteering?

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If you're wondering why this seems to have become a bike blog, the writing energy is going into the new novel. Which isn't actually a new novel; it's the one I stopped writing so I could get the films done. This blog has never been a place for real writing--that's always been reserved for books, short stories, and screenplays--but bike blogging doesn't tap the same reservoir.

Here's cell phone video of the shirtless male psycho baton twirler who kicked my bike over while trying to attack a bus schedule.

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