Most of the time, I don't think about my age..but once in awhile, when the bones start creaking and a little more gray hair appears when I look in the mirror, I realize that I am past mid-life...waaaaay past mid-life.


What does one do when one is too old or just unable to care for themself? How does it feel to have to give up the driver's license..to depend on others for transportation? What's it like when your body begins to fail..when the aches and pains come daily, when disease comes to visit and you can no longer function like the vital young person you once were? What if you have no family left to help you get through the "golden" years?

I sure don't have all the answers, I can only speak from my own experience. I put one foot in front of the other, thank God for each day and just keep on truckin! Is it easy? Hell no, it's very hard. Ma was right..getting old is no basket of flowers.

My social calender is filled with doctor's appointments. I can't drive so I depend on others to get me to and from...doctors, shopping, whatever. No longer am I able to just hop in the car and go where I want. I mourn that loss.

My mind tells me I'm still 35, but my body knows better. The bones ache, the muscles fail to respond to my "young" thinking and some days I just don't feel like getting out of bed at all. But...and this is the big but...I do get out of bed, I do find interesting things to do. I keep my mind occupied and my hands busy. I tolerate the medical problems and thank God that I have good medical people looking after me.

I am also blessed to have children who do all they can to make my life good, each contributing in their own unique way. I am so lucky. But I know of people who have no family, who are all alone in the world. I was a hospice nurse for a number of years and I've seen first hand how lonely some folks are. But...there's always a but...they were not alone when they needed someone to be there...if they asked. That's one of the keys, we must ask when we need help. That's another problem, most of us who grew up in the 40's and 50's are of a school that demanded self-suffciency and asking for help was just not an option, at least that was the way it was in my family.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I learned that I couldn't be Miss Self Sufficient..it took hundreds of people to keep me alive. Doctors, nurses, tecnicians, lab workers, hospital staff of all kinds, volunteers, family, friends...all contributing to my wish to continue getting older. I always knew there was a God, but I learned that her name was not Audrey.

My life has been rich, full, interesting and mostly fun. If I spend all my time worrying about what's gonna happen, I'm afraid I'll miss out on what's happening now. So...I just put one foot in front of the other and I keep on truckin!

Life is good.