It all started 5 minutes before service. The choir was making our way to our platformed chairs in front of the church. I was passing by Broadway Baby Bertilla and brushed up against her. "You brushed my tittie," she remarked in a funny naive voice. "Bertilla B: converting one homosexual at a time," I countered. All of this was amplified over the sound system. Oops. At least they hadn't started recording the service yet. And so, service began.

At Thursday's rehearsal, Frank had decided that the tenors and basses should switch places. Amy good naturedly agreed. I was less than pleased. I liked where I was. Oh well, I'm probably having a control issue. Be adult about it, Larry. During the Peace, I was able to have a panoramic view of the choir and congregation while singing verse after verse of "The Lord is My Light," which was nice, so maybe this new arrangement was going to work out. Then came the Readings.

She started with an Old Testament reading that, listen as hard as I did, I couldn't follow. Not at all. "I didn't understand one word of that," I whispered to Eric, next to me. "That's on the recording," Dutch Frank in front of us commented. During the second reading Eric turns to me with the Bible, "it was all in regards to these passages." I read. "You mean I can't masturbate?" "That's on the recording, too," Frank chimes in. "Damn." "Recording." (By the way, I learned in another reading of the passage that it's not even that kind of discharge. It's other discharge. Eeeewwww.)

I'm sitting right underneath the microphone. The one microphone that picks up everyone in the choir is right over my big-mouthed head. Not good. I love the Lord as much as the next guy, but I like a little banter in between things. This arrangement isn't working.

I sang a solo verse for communion: "Boy, Larry, you sure were singing loud during communion." Not working.

The last hymn, Amy started in four instead of six. When she corrected it at the second verse, we did as we always do, made eye contact and chuckled quietly. My chuckle came out as, "Ba-hahahaha!" "On the recording." Not working.

That's it. Either we switch back to the original, far superior arrangement, or ... or ... or ... or.