The Gay Parade

The gay parade happened last sunday, the 26th. It was awesome. 1 million people celebrating their pride of being who they are, without caring for other people's thoughts. There was such a cool vibe there, as the 18 cars playing good music went through Copacabana beach. I kind of drunk too much as usual, but nothing bad happened. Renatta and Burak went with me. I should have enjoyed more, but I never learn, and I acted way too stuck up sometimes, scaring some hott boys away. I should just let it go more often, and enjoy.

It is beautiful when people who don't have equal rights gather and stand up in one voice for what they want and need. The parade was a celebration of peace and identity, where human beings like you, me and everybody else in the world are simply requesting the right to get legally married and share rights. Personally, I am not very into legal marriages and things like that because these things go way beyond simply being married. But it's a right for everybody who pay taxes and are human to love who they want and be with who they are, accepting their true nature and being accepted as well. Brazil, being such a liberal country (in some ways) and having such a large population of homosexuals, should join Spain, Canada, Holland and Belgium, and give gay people the right to do love and share life with who they want. Society is so mediocre, though. It's amazing how people care about who other people fuck - whatever.

I am really in need of any kind of sexual relationship with a nice guy. Most guys who are interested on me aren't corresponded. The last time I felt a little attracted by someone was with Dennis. But I found out what I (and he) wanted kind of late. He had to leave the next morning.

Alex

Alexander Lezaic was one my first real friends since I started working at the hostel. He is english. On the first time I saw him, I was still working at the reception. I arrived, invited Fernanda for a smoke, and he was using the internet. When me and Fernanda sat outside and lit our cigarettes, Alex came. He was hot. Tall, tanned, stylish hair with blonde highlights. And he had a very characteristic smell. Smell of a real man. Some people said Alex stinks. But he didn't, really. He had an animalistic smell, a strong odor of a male animal. And he was nice.

We would always smoke outside, and he would always order a pizza. He loved my pizza. He got problems with my boss though (he wasn't the only one). He would order a lot of things, but would never pay right away, like my boss wanted to. I do agree with him that if you get money out of your pocket every single time you order a beer things become really annoying. And he would always pay the next morning, or afternoon.

Alex met another english guy, Simon, and an irish guy, Gavin. They were both really nice but I never got close to them like I got to Alex. They would go out every night and have fun the whole night.

Alex would protect me, in a way, from my boss. He would get really mad and pissed off when he presenced the scenes where my boss unpolitely yelled at me. He also got consternated when he found out how much is my salary. Those facts were very important to me. I was still new at the hostel and someone would stand up and go on with me. But the most important thing, that really kept me going, was when Alex, Gavin and Simon were downstairs and told me that if it wasn't for me, they would have left the hostel ages ago.

I was very nice with them, I confess. I helped them get some girls upstairs, I would let them pay later and I would be their company when they were alone.

The consummation of my friendship with Alex came on his last day at the hostel. It was my first day at the bar, and his last night at the hostel, because his mom was arriving early in the morning and they would go to the Sheraton. He was smoking outside as usual and when I arrived, I joined him and told him that that was my first day at the bar. So he came up with an idea: "let's get drunk". Yeah, sure! I helped him pack his things and then we went to the bar and stayed there for hours and hours, listening to music, chatting alone, chatting with other guests. We even did the yard. We had scotch and many beers. That was a fun night. He left kind of early though, because he had a pool championship at Shenanigan's.

I thought I would never see him again, but one day, just like he said, he came back to visit me with his mother. We had two or three beers, talked for maybe a half hour and then they went eating.

And, when I thought that I would never see him again once more, I talked to him on MSN two days ago, and he said he was going to come up that night, because his flight back to London was yesterday morning. He said he was going to the pool championship at Shenanigan's again and that before doing that, he would come up and visit me. But he never came. I waited anxiously, but he never came. After work I went to Shenanigan's with my friend and a group of english people from the hostel for a few beers and talk, but Alex wasn't there.

On the next day, when I arrived at the hostel, Ana, the new receptionist, said there was a message for me. Then she gave me the little piece of paper, and I opened it and read:

" Hey dude, sorry I never dropped by last night - my mom was ill! So I had a boring last night in Rio!! Anyway, take care dude & hopefully we will see each other again! Email me. Alex "

I really hope we see each other again. That is a little bit remote to be happening anytime soon, because probably he will forget about me in no time. But it was good while it lasted. Thanks for everything Alex, thank you for your support, for the times we spent together, for the drinks we drank, for the cigarettes we smoked outside. And have a good life.

Burak

Burak was a turkish guy I met. We became very close to each other. We used to have long conversations, then we started to go out. For drinks and food, mainly. Until one day I decided to take him to Lapa and then go to a gay club nearby. I had never been there before, and it wasn't a very good thing to do. That was an incredibly dirty and shitty club, and Burak felt like I took him there because I knew he wouldn't like it. He was VERY into me, but I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I only wanted him as a friend. A good friend.

On Burak's last day in Rio we went out to eat a pizza and drink a few beers. He gave me a wristband with the turkish eye, which protects you from the "evil eye". I thought I would never see him again, but on the inside, I had a feeling that really soon I would see him sometime.

Two weeks later. Last saturday. There was a barbecue at the hostel and lots of noise. I arrived earlier to help people there. One time, when I was going down the stairs to grab some olive oil, I was so surprised by who I saw using the internet: Burak! It was a very nice surprise. We talked. We spent his last four days basically talking upstairs, eating, drinking and chatting with this really nice american couple. Then, on sunday, we went to the gay parade. He really enjoyed it, but in the end we started arguing. We used to argue a lot. He wanted to touch me all the time.

I didn't see Burak on his last day. I went out, and when I got back to the hostel to grab my backpack, the guy who stays opening the door at night said he had something for me. Burak left two more Turkish Eye wristband with him for me. He noticed that I was no longer using mine (it became very weak and almost untied up).

Superstitions or whatever. I feel very well being protected from the evil eye. Whatever that means.

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I was supposed to have written this yesterday. And it's not even done yet. But I really don't want to put everybody's name and write a little about them all. It's just that I don't feel like doing that now. Once more, I procrastinated - once more. I am physically exhausted. This job is killing me. It makes me feel sleepy all day long. I could go on forever writting about the new important people in my life.

Or I could go on forever writting about my failure accomplishing my social demands. I am slowly losing friends. I'm dedicating too much of my time and effort to this stupid job.

However, I have a new friend, very good one, Renatta. Alex met her and her friend at Shenanigan's. And I should write about her. But things are still developing between us.

I am slowly losing my online friends.

Slowly losing my family's support.

Things are not good...

Until I find out what is going to happen with me at school, I will not have much time to write, so I will republish my favorite texts in Life in Art this month. It will be good to remind me how good I used to be when I was writting artistically, and not silly tales about my stupid life.