"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." - American Beauty (1999)

The Earth is a delicate place to live in. It's a world filled with pain and hate and evil. It's a world filled with people. That sucks. People trying to get you down all the time, people trying to harm you. And families. Uncomprehensive families with their brainwashed ideas from old generations. They're never able to understand that time goes by, that things change and mankind is in constant mutation.

You know, I had a friend once. Surprisingly, I met her on an online network of friends called "orkut". Natalia was her name. We used to trade "scraps" all the time, and talk on the phone from midnight 'till around 3am. Every single day. And it didn't change when we met in person. We used to spend hours and hours talking about a wide variation of things. Spirituality, music, movies, books, the good places to hang out, her friends, her family, her life. In the end, it was all about her stuff, but it didn't really matter. I used to like talking to her. We were friends for like 9 months, or something. We had very good moments together. Parties, phones, msn conversations. People say she was in love with me. And she said that, also. We even made out one day, on my birthday party, in my bed. Things were always wonderful between us. Until one day. She deleted me from her orkut list, blocked me on msn. Me, my ex-girlfriend, whom was her friend, and a friend we had in common. She disappeared - nobody knows what happened. She has such a huge consideration for her friends, eh?

I had another friend too. She was a friend, and an ex-girlfriend. Things didn't work out between us two. We had to break up, but we continued to be friends. Good and close friends. One fine day, she saw my excitement about this boy who kept looking at me all the time during the break in school. She couldn't stand it - I was showing my excitement for life, and it was happening because of someone that was not her! Then, she went to talk to that boy and told him I was in love and couldn't stop talking about him and stuff like that. Screwed everything up - the thing was between me and him, she had nothing to do with it, and still tried to screw the situation. Now, I can't even look to that boy. Later on, I found out many other unpleasant things she had been saying about me.

Junior high was very difficult for me. I used to be really popular and everyone used to like me - but I lived in a very small town and nobody could do anything without having it mentioned mouth-to-mouth. I fell in love with a close friend of mine, but I couldn't let him know, so I went on with this situation for years. Until one day, I thought both him and I were mature enough to understand it. I would write him an e-mail and he, being a friend, would either deny me maturally, stop talking to me and we would live our lives separately, but peacefully, or he would just let me know that he didn't like "the fruit" and we would be the same friends as always. But hey, none of that happened. He gossiped about my email to every single one in school. Result: I became "Gaybriel". Fantastic!

I could go on forever with little stories about how people tried to fuck me up, but I won't. It's a part of human's nature and growth to try to feel superior to other human beings. However, I refuse to be a victim. I'm going to relax for once and hang ten on the cosmic surfboard of freedom. I love the freedom of not knowing what I'm gonna do until I'm apologizing for having done it and I wouldn't mind picking a fight for a change. Usually, I don't have any choice about who I fight with, but I can't stand watching people abuse those weaker than them. Something about that sort of bugs me. Especially when it's a bunch of hypocrites talking about the virtues of freedom and justice for all. Or a bunch of hypocrites trying to be what they are not. That really pisses me off.

Eliminate everything that is false in life must be a very positive thing. I don't want any of this in my life, I don't need it. I need laughter and love, some special drug, I need cigarettes. Good music, good movies, good books. Hang out once in a while. Be with real friends and waste seconds with them. Be with myself. Get to know my family better. Watch the abundant beauty in the world. And dance. And get really drunk until I pass out and wake up with the worst hangover. And dedicate to school without worrying about the mediocre people I've met there. And work out. I do believe in taking care of myself. And work. I need money, I can't depend entirely on the money my "dad" sends me. And I need to get laid and fuck random people. Until I find someone that will make me stop. I have to say what I mean, mean what I say. You know that if everybody follow that rule, there'd be a lot less trouble in the world. I need to "just be". Just be. Until I die. Alone. It is said that every living creature on this earth dies alone. Won't be different with me.

There is this incredibly benevolent force, that wants us to know there is no reason to be afraid, ever. This force wants us to notice that beauty is in children's smile, in watching falling stars, and yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that line our streets. And our grandmother's hands, and the way their skin seem like paper. And then we must remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it will flow through ourselves like rain and we can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of our stupid little life...