"Wow, this is really starting to open up, what do you think? I started to appreciate the life of wine, that it's a living thing, that it connects you more to life. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing. I like the think about how the sun was shining that summer and what the weather was like. I think about all those people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I love how wine continues to evolve, how if I open a bottle the wine will taste different than if I had uncorked it on any other day, or at any other moment. A bottle of wine is like life itself - it grows up, evolves and gains complexity. Then it tastes so fucking good." - Sideways (2004)

What do you expect when you are completely bored and you decide to go out for no reason in particular, and pretend that you are someone that you are not? Not a terrible decision but perhaps a good idea of something to do when you
are bored and no one is around. I decided to try just that. I took a shower, dressed up fashionably, and went to see the "Banda de Ipanema." Afterwards I went walking around Farme de Amoedo street, a traditionally gay spot in Rio. I got to have fun fooling around with some really hot boys until something happened.

I met this boy and apparently he was fascinated by me. He started to look deeply into my eyes and tell me things I would never expect to hear coming from a stranger. He was hot, most likely having had a lot of hook-ups in his life. I knew it was different. We drank a couple of beers and headed to his place. On the way I held his hand, and in the bus I went all the way hugging him. When we got to his place we started making out, but I wasn't feeling comfortable with it. He noticed and asked if I wanted to stop. Upon my yes, he assured me it was no problem to him, and that I had changed his life just by the way I held his hand publicly on the street, and hugged him in the crowded bus. That touched me deeply as I was lying to him, I was trying to be someone
that I wasn't, and he believed it. He said he could stay looking into my eyes forever. I could feel his hand shake whenever he touched me and I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with all that. The cute boy over there taking care of me, and please me in many ways (not sexually speaking). I said I had to go back to the hypothetic hotel. He asked me to leave my phone number, e-mail address, and hotel room/address. As I wrote it, I could notice him looking at me full of joy inside. It was sad really and by the time I got home, I was completely trashed on the inside.

After that episode, I came back home and started thinking about what my friend Brian constantly tells me. One day he was telling me about "stoicism". He said, "Do you understand 'stoicism'? A stoic tries not to worry about things he can't affect. He lives in the now and takes an honest look at his
capabilities and his situation, and deals appropriately. Have you heard this prayer? Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." These wise words, really helped me. His influencing words gave my thoughts some guidance. That was not all, he also made me think about the power that I (and everybody else) have inside, and outside. "Earlier I was talking about your looks. With your looks, and your intelligence, and your perception, and your heart, you could have a profound effect on the lives of people. Your looks and charm are a key to the minds and hearts of people, use it for good. A compliment from you to a less attractive person, will be remembered for a long time. There's a bad side to that also though. An insult from you to a less attractive person, will NEVER be forgotten. Evil words NEVER lose their potential. It's a battery that never runs out of energy. I think I remember almost everyone who has been kind to me, and some of their acts of kindness still bring me to tears 20 years later. He continued, "One time in high school gym class, some kid was picking on me, and humiliating me in front of
the entire class. Some guy I didn't know stood up for me. I can still see his face, he was so brave. From that moment on, I decided that if a random person thought that I was worth defending, who was I to let people pick on me? It took a stranger to fight for my dignity that time, and I'll never need that again."

And he finished, "There is no greater honor than to stand up for the downtrodden. The people you defend, especially in adolescence, will never forget it. That boy who defended me, is a saint to me. On Monday, go to school and make someone's day. Someone you don't normally talk to. Let them know that
they have been noticed."

Have I been misusing my what power I have? Making people believe in my falsity and hurting their honest feelings for me? That's why I began today's entry with that memorable quote from Sideways. Men are like a bottle of wine: they grow up, evolve and gain complexity. That is able to happen because every day is a new life. We can fix our mistakes, simply never make them again, or even forget them. We can do as we please, but mistakes are to be fixed. Events like the aforementioned add a lot to my growth. I saw the truth in that boy's eyes, but I denied it. He was targeted by my silly games. I have power, you have power, and we need learn in which way to wield it. Use it for good, you can make yourself remembered by someone. I can't imagine how that boy felt when he called the fake number I gave him. All those short moments, those confidences, and those exchanges of trust were all erased. It was good while it lasted, and hopefully the good will live inside us both forever. Too bad it had to end that way. Shame on you, Gabriel. Shame on you.