It has been my longest break since I started with this journal. I left Rio a few days after my last republishment, headed to Belo Horizonte and then Caratinga, in order to visit some familiars. Now it's time to go on.

I left for my little trip with a lot of new information and motivation that were weakened during my quiet time. It was really good to see my grandparents and old friends again, though. I couldn't see all of them, but it was worth it. My friends are doing well and that makes me happy.

My paternal grandparents are okay. I believe there is some internal problems happening among them, but no informations leaked. They were worried about me, they said I was really sad and they kept asking me the reasons. I did not know the reasons. My grandfather gave me plenty of money, which was good, but I obviously spent it too fast. Maria Emilia's been acting too old for my taste, and she tends to ignore me when she drinks and she has her friends around. She is the daughter of my grandfather's wife, whom I actually call grandma. Sergio, her brother, was supposed to be graduating this month, but I found out today that he flunked two subjects, threw it all away and started a new course after 4 or 5 years, I think. That was a huge surprise for me and I really believe that is troubling my paternal grandfathers.

My maternal grandparents, which I could gladly call my parents, are also okay. They're pretty lonely in my opinion and they get really really excited when one of us goes visit. By one of us I mean me, my mother, my uncles. Their children. Grandma cooked for me as usual. I would eat all day long. I had too many sodium and fat I think. Watched many movies and finished reading Dark Winter by Andy McNab, which was decent, and began reading Lucifer's Rebellion by J.J Benitez which turned to be really annoying. That is not the original english title, that's the literal translation of the portuguese and spanish original titles.

I spent a lot of time with Pedro, Raíssa and Raerine. They make me happy. They are really good and old friends. I insisted on meeting Tânia but she wouldn't call me and I wouldn't call her. On my last day, before catching the bus to go back to Rio, I was drinking a beer with Raerine and Pedro and she stopped by by car, I gave her a hug and then she had to go. It lasted 5 minutes. Or less.
I also borrowed Raerine's Playstation (outdated, I know) and bought 50 bucks of CD's. I began playing a game that was supposed to be awesome according to some reviews I'd read but it ended up being really frustrating. It was called Valkyrie's Profile. My gaming scene for 2005 is being very weak.

That was basically all I can tell you about my trip, and I honestly believe you are not interested to know more about it. I bought new expensive shirts.

When I returned to Rio, I re-enrolled at school because I was not approved on Math. That means I STILL did not graduate on High School. Now, I have math classes every wednesdays and tuesdays at 8:30 pm. I could not tell my family I didn't pass, so I had to lie, one more time. I lie to my family all the time. By the end of this year I will graduate. That is for sure. The subject is really easy and short. I will take it seriously and ease sch00lz. No, seriously. I will. I am not interested in making "friends" at school. I've been lonely. And lying.

Now that I mentioned "friends", I realized that I do not have much of those here in Rio. I know that my friends in Caratinga will be my friends forever. It does not matter how much time I spend away from there, when I return it's like I never went away. That is recomforting and I have a lot of grattitude for those people. Those friendships grew with time. I spent most of my life there. Now, here, with almost two years, my only real friend for all-the-time is Priscilla, and that is because she calls me all the time. I am sure that when she engages a new relationship she will stop calling and I will not call either because I don't like calling people for some reason I cannot comprehend. Isabela does not talk to me anymore. I didn't call her for ages and when I travelled, I didn't let her know. Since I started working we stopped meeting and talking all the time like we used to do. Work was killing me and I wanted to do nothing on my free time. Then, after I quit, I left for a month without letting her know. She is really upset with me. And I've been lying to her. I lie a lot. Isabela was my favorite friend.

Now, who is left? Ana. Ana is a great friend but we are only able to meet from times to times. She was my work partner and we got very close. She's a sweetness. We went out a few times, she came here one time so we could go out and I visited her one time. All those times were very pleasantful, and I believe that our friendship will last for a very long time but it will be based on periodic visits and long chats about our news. I also like her husband, Thiago. He is my smoking partner. He smokes a lot, like me. But it's still a young friendship.

Flavinha. I don't want to write about her now. It would take a long, long time. Because I love her and she saves me many times. And writting about her is too empty. I can't express what she deserves.

Leila. Leila was the hostel's maid. We got very close, also. But she's a hard worker and lives very far. Our friendship will be based on periodic visits as well.

That's about it I guess. I know a lot of people ( not a WHOLE lot, but an average ammount ) but I do not consider a lot of them as friends.

I forgot to mention that when I got back to Rio my computer was not working, so I had to kill time reading and playing the Playstation. I finished reading The Star Rover by Jack London and American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, both of them excellent. Now I'm currently reading Bleachers by John Grisham but it's oscilating between horrible and excellent. It's certainly delicate, though.

On the Playstation I played Chrono Trigger, the FF Chronicles version, but I couldn't kill Lavos and I'm too lazy to level up. So I started playing Digimon World 3, and it's fun, but I'm not having much patience with it either. So I decided to put my mom's mother-in-law's computer in my room (because she bought a new one and gave this one to her son) and connect. I'll try to call the technician monday.

I've been taking pills.

I've been lonely.

I don't wanna call people.

By the time I returned, my "online" life was a mess, so I updated my orkut profile and my mailbox. I have some good news and I'll be engaging with them really soon. I will have to write about that tomorrow, though.

But that's it for now. I just wrote about my trip and my current status when I came back. I did not mention my family's new beach house at Maricá and how I spent four days there, but it's not really important, at least for now.

Yeah. I have been lonely. And I have to fix my biological clock. I will try to go to the beach and get some tan tomorrow, in the morning. Then, I will clean my house and room because my mother will arrive from the beach house at night. I will have to study after I arrive from the beach and clean the house, and then I will write. I have a lot to write about.

Now give me a cigarette. Wait - I just smoked one.