Things that are funny about NZ fashion shows:

1. Apparently you can combine satin, velvet, lace, netting, fur, seashells, beads, and feathers, throw in some arm and ankle tattoos, nipples, big hair with flowers and sticks in it, and face paint, put it all to hip hop, Polynesian drumming, and Enya-esque music, feature the mad skills of a really bad ballerina and drag queens (strutting to "I Will Survive," as if that weren't obvious)... and yet the clothes are still pretty amazing.

2. You don't have to be skinnier than a toothpick to be a model here. It helps, however, if you have a bobble-head and/or walk belly-button first.

Perks about the magazine industry:

1. Getting an invite to NZ Fashion Week.
2. Getting loaded at 12:30pm.
3. Gift bags containing energy vitamins.
4. Attending trendy product launches and getting free samples. (Too bad they're of L'Oreal's new skincare line - for men. Merry Christmas, bro.)
5. Playing hooky with my boss to be the first-ever guests at a spankin' new luxury lodge. (Hey, someone has to review these things, don't hate.)
6. All-expense-paid trips for travel pieces, including a spa package - and skydiving costs.

I would like to add here that I do feel extreme guilt about getting free schwag. For the record, my mag has a policy that it doesn't print negative reviews. As in, if they try something and don't like it, it just doesn't run. But people offer up these free experiences, obviously, to get press. The ethics are complicated. I know this sounds whiny, so I'll stop, but I'm not really a freebie-whore.

Interesting, too - some of the long-time media folks I've talked to just expect it all. I mean, damn, I still get excited about free hors d'oevres.

I've been seriously missing home recently. I walked past a department store with Christmas stuff in the window, and almost started crying. I read the Trib, but the lakeside pictures make me sad I'm missing fall, my favorite season. And Halloween's coming up and yet again, my Double Dare dream-theme won't be happening (it's ok, haven't found a Mark Summers yet). And I'm not a part of the Cubs/Sox ire.

Speaking of... Read this? It almost made me pee. (Prize pull quote: "Not only is our acne-scarred, mouthy, bratty little sister going to the prom, she just might be crowned queen.")

And I miss you people. I'm really good at being alone, but I'm quite frankly sick of it. I can't be my true crass and sarcastic self with anyone here - and it hurts my soul.

Just think of all the obnoxiousness bottled up for my return. The second I touch down at O'Hare, it's just going to explode...

And if you're in town and want to experience it for yourself, the 2nd Annual B-Day Blowout is set to happen at the Double Door, evening of Dec. 28. Be there or be a rhombus.