Right now is such a pointless time in my life. I have no job and I'll probably wind up working at Shoprite like the rest of New Jersey but I really don't care because I need money. Ever since I quit the hell hole I have felt so useless and I realized that I have to work to maintain sanity. Other than that, things have been dull, the weather has been cold, my life has been nothing more but a few unclear events strung together by each vapid day. The idea of prom has struck me more than once and I am really unsure about it. Do I really want to waste my time and money finding a dress, renting a limo and stand around watching romantic couples kiss and dance and have fun? No. But then that stupid, nagging little voice is telling me that if I don't do it now then I'll regret it forever. Last year's prom experience was not one to behold. Some guy invited me, I bought my dress, he decided to go with his ex girlfriend, and I got fucked in the ass. I remember having to go to the mall to return my dress. I was crying and I think the salespeople felt bad for me. That night I was a pathetic human being.

So now that my senior prom has come I refuse to let some greasy mongoloid rape my good spirits. I feel like some dippy broad cackling about trivial teenage bullshit but this is starting to bother me because I can't decide on anything. One minute I am so sure and the next I condemn the prom and everything it stands for. This is kind of a big deal. What if one day, by some unlawful act of God I have children and they ask me about it, and I'll sound like the uncool wallflower mom who sewed a quilt instead of taking advantage of my youthful plenty. I'm not going with some stupid asshole. I want to go with someone I can have fun with, whether he be my romantic interest or just a friend. And I sure as hell am not going alone because I have attended way too many school functions alone and God knows I am not spending my precious dollars to get my hair done and look nice for some damn punch bowl and shrimp platter. I'm sure no one really gives a shit whether I go or not and frankly sometimes I wish I was some sort of popular trendsetting socialite so these things would be made easier for me. Imagine having to pick from a list of guys who would beg and plead for me to go with them. Man, that would be so cool. On the other hand, maybe I will be daring and edgy and go by myself just to spare myself a trip running to the bathroom in tears. I know this year has been romantically unsucessful and it will finish out that way and I can't wait to get the fuck out of here because I'M GOING TO UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA BABY AND EVERYONE CAN EAT MY ASS WITH A MELON SPOON.

Anyway, this whole prom business is really a waste of my time and I hate to squander my brainwaves on something so crude and meaningless but just once I wanna look really, really good and have people notice even if it is only for a fleeting spring night. I'm going to bed.