I'm pretty bored, so here's a list of annoying things people should stop doing.

1. Tell you to smile more.
One time I was at work, having a crappy day as usual when this wonderful loving woman came in. As I was helping her she looked at me like she had just discovered the word of God and was like, "Why aren't you smiling? Put a smile on your face!" I hate when people do this. Who the fuck walks around all the time with a huge ass smile on their face? NO ONE. Look lady, I'm in a Dairy Queen uniform, I have ice cream splattered on parts of my body which no dairy product should touch, I wanna go home, and you're here telling me I should smile. Stop trying to spread your inner love and shut the hell up. If you were working at a job that sucks octupus tentacles for minimum wage then you'd probably slit your wrists, you tree hugging, anti abortionist closet hippie. Get out of my face. And then when she went outside she told my manager that he should do something about me because I look depressed. Suck a tit.

2. Tell me I'm short.
I can't tell you how many times this has happened--I'll be talking to someone, they'll look me up and down, and then go, "God, you're short." STOP THE PRESSES, I AM SHORT. Like thanks a lot you fucking genius, you pointed out the disgustingly obvious. It appears that my eyeballs were attacked by some face eating virus and I have lost my eyesight so I need everyone human being on the face of the planet to alert me of my height because I'M NOT AWARE OF IT. AT ALL. God. What am I supposed to say to that? "Thank you kind and merciful master, you have righted all the wrongs in the world." What the hell do you think I am, some kind of subserviant little lawn gnome here for your amusement? You're fucking ugly, but I won't tell you that because I'm sure you already know. Suck a tit.

3. "How can you hate kids? Kids are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!"
Wrong. Kids are nasty, demanding, impatient, messy, horrible little demons. I hate them. God must have skipped me when he was giving people motherly instincts because children are the last thing I want to be burdened with. Think about it. They ruin your life. One day, you wake up, go out with friends, eat at a nice restaurant, rent a movie. Now if you have kids, you wake up, clean their puke up, pick up their toys, go to the store where you are bombarded with their shrill, unhuman screams for candy, make them food, chase them around, buy them Barney On DVD, and they still want more. Blood sucking little shits. And then they grow up, wind up hating you and blaming you for all their emotional problems, and what are you left with? A stretched out vagina and saggy boobs. Please. Where is the logic?

4. Picking nose and eating it.

I can't think of anymore.