-Tell every girl their new haircut looks nice, even if it looks like a slaughtered rabbit. Then suggest getting the same one yourself next time you go to a salon.
-Act really, really, atrociously stupid. Never raise your hand when the teacher asks a question, and when you are called on, immediately get this dumb look on your face like you so totally weren't paying attention at all. It would help if you had your cell phone, lipgloss, or highly priced purse beside you to aide in this display of stupidity. After the teacher has called on someone else to make up for your idiocy, whip out your phone and instantly begin text messaging the first 300 people in your phone book. You should have at least 500 numbers. If not, then you're unpopular, and everyone probably hates you, you shit.
-Wear exceedingly short skirts, then drop something on the floor and slowly bend down to pick it up. You may also want to stand in front of a vent and then act "surprised" when your see through thong is exposed for entire civilization to see.
-Eat bananas and ice pops seductively in the cafeteria, then sit next to the football team and complain about how much your boyfriend sucks.
-Do not buy clothes that are on sale, discounted, or ones that come from non-brand name stores.If you pay less than $50 for any article of clothing, you are disgusting and everyone is going to comment on your poor fashion sense. Sales are for losers. Also, do not wear the same shoes two days in a row. Repetition is also for losers.
-Be any of the following for Halloween: a french maid, a hooker, a slutty fairy, or any other costume which reveals as much skin as possible. Do not under any circumstances eat any candy. Instead, unwrap it like you are going to eat it, then complain how fat you are and toss it to the side. Then open a beer.
-Only discuss the following things in public: boys, hair, nails, Lindsay Lohan, purses, the OC, Ashton Kutcher, tofu.
-Go to a tanning salon until your skin becomes an orangey-purple hue. When you get to the point where you think you've tanned enough, then tan some more. Only stop when you can peel off your entire face, leg, or arm. Pale skin is for failures.
-Do not form your own opinion unless it has been approved by Teen People or any other trendy magazine. Opinions are for dorks who shop at K Mart and grow up to fat and pale. If someone asks your opinion of something, say you don't really care one way or the other and smile.
-Everything you eat must be low carb. Everything. If you cannot find any low carb foods, then eat nothing, even if it means starving for days. If you are fat, you have failed society and no guys will ever date you. You might as well go into a spider infested corner and die.
-You must be prettier, trendier, and smell nicer than everyone. If someone attempts to be better than you in any way, then you must automatically loathe them and scribble furiously about them on the bathroom wall. Don't stop until they attempt suicide.